Election

When I sat tonight and watched Sarah Pangolin, seeker of Cheney’s throne, mother of many, with her pinched righteousness in full attack, I could only think of Reese Witherspoon in the brilliant movie Election.

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Call me pro-sexist, but I LOVE perky, aggressive women.

You know, Sarah Pangolin is kind of fun. She’s sort of game. She even winks at a crowd.

And though one might cringe thinking, “Oh my goodness, this moose killer is just one melanoma away from becoming our next president,” it seems clear, at least to me, that she is pretty much a lightweight. Not a complete joke. But a joke of some kind.

Alaska? Not really reflective of how the rest of this country works. Though large in land mass and resources, it’s really a small state with very few new ideas. Pangolin is, proudly, a small town mom, a pit bull wearing lipstick, an ambitious Christianist, a don’t-you-tax-me, but give-my-state-tons-of-federal-tax-money schizophrenic. Good for her for grabbing the spotlight! The mentally ill need our attention. But certainly not through any sort of national health care, I imagine.

Of course, I have a big gay beef with the Pangolin. She wanted to put legislation into Alaska law that denies health care coverage for gay partners. So, pretty much, I can only experience her as a great northern Nazi.

With regard to something less baleful, I don’t take much issue with her pregnant daughter. It's not Bristol's fault. Obviously, it’s pretty easy to get pregnant when you’re reading abstinence literature while your hockey boyfriend fills you full of cum. Not much we can do but love and accept the newborn.

And who doesn’t love the Pangolin’s little Down Syndrome baby? What a cutey! A chromosomally flawed but lovable creature. I’d like to say some of my best friends have Down Syndrome, but I have always found their company a bit tedious, always pointing to the overhead lighting as if they have just discovered it for the first time and asking for pretzels.

I’ll admit that life does begin at conception, but if something is growing inside your body and you don’t want it, by all means, kill it. Ideal? No. But people kill their unwanted blastulas, always have. No sense in making something illegal that is as common as swatting flies. I’ve blogged it before: If you have no problem executing fully grown human beings then you should have no problem murdering the unborn. You can’t be Pro-Death and Pro-Life at the same time. It just doesn’t make sense.

In my heart (and we all know how useless that sentiment is: Think of Bush’s heartfelt knowledge of Putin) I think McCain will lose. Maybe not in a landslide, but nevertheless soldiering back to Arizona, non-victorious. I believe his historically strong belief in self-defeat will do him in. The Pangolin will help him get there.

Of course, I could be wrong.