No Offence, But...

1. I cannot celebrate your religion or your race or your specialness.

(Borderline:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoGXPPzWWTs)

2. If you are highly intelligent and build a clear case for something, do know that all you built was a clear case for that thing. And it will eventually be replaced.

3. If you are a fundamentalist you are reductive about everything in the meal. Too much reduction and the sauce gets pasty, thick and opaque, smothering all the tasty bits.

4. If you cannot enjoy someone else's work or ideas, no matter how hard you try, no matter how generous your intentions, fuck it. Be light hearted about it and tell them, "Not my thing."

5. If you think the Bible was written by people who were not writers, with the same propensity as the simplest Hollywood writers who try to teach a moral or to push hard to inspire greatness or to ink up big explosions in order to encourage fear, all in a colorful narrative, then you are just not using your mind to see common cause.

6. I cannot celebrate your children. I love them from a distance. I care about them as human beings. I adore what is adorable about them. I love passing by children in the park, their spark so incredibly endearing and enlivening. It is the same excitement that is riled up when watching the cutest puppy, but even better, really. Kids are an absolute thrill as they excitedly fly by on their scooters, hair in the air, smiles beaming wide for the gift of aliveness. But kids are messy. We were all messy kids. Kids can be lovely and generous and vulnerable and smart and original, too. But, they can also be selfish, sloppy, loud and irrational with little impulse control. And the ones who exhibit grace at an early age are most probably achieving this feat by the use of a great mimetic impulse that will insure their survival: imitating adults in order to please them so the adults will give them what the kids really want: money, freedom and pleasure.  So, though your kids are amazing to you, (and they are amazing in that they are alive on earth), the path of the fascinating child has been well worn so mostly...I see the same dust.

7. If you think your politics (or your religions) are better than anyone else's, remember, you are just trying to feel safe by making everyone in the family follow the same rules. You want everyone to agree with your idea of how the pecking order should be managed. This is a survival technique that you believe will help you to not only feel included and harmonious, but perhaps give you a solid unquestioning earth that you can eventually dominate. You are an animal. Be careful.

8. When you take yourself too seriously, remember, there is a drunk woman in a bar in Brooklyn who would be more than happy to tell you, "Go Fuck Yourself!" I know her. Her talent is laser. And it works.

9. If you are not laughing by now or wanting to kill me, one or the other, or both, you're a douchebag. Even though I cannot believe that term has boomeranged back into usage. A free drink the next time I see you for anyone who calls me a douchebag in the comments.

10. There is no ten. I don't care how many fingers you have.

I Can't Wait For March 29!

Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/24/opinion/joe-nocera-scientologys-chilling-effect.html?ref=todayspaper


I love cults.  Something about them. The antipode to nature, really, while pretending to BE nature.

They're such a brilliant way for some to work out their huge ego problems on one end, and for others, the subjugated, to work out theirs on the other.

The problem, really?   Being a mess makes you stupid.

Don't be a mess. Don't be stupid.

Helping the Ladies from a Gay Man Who is Emotionally Intuitive who Lives with Another Man

1.  If you are a model with a blank dead stare in your eyes, you are objectifying yourself and doing nothing good for anyone. Have a sandwich. Don't be dissociated.

2. If you want a man to be monogamous, marry one who is over 40 years old. Even better, over 50.

3. Men, many, are on-task types. Let them finish their task.

4. If you are a girl under eighteen who likes to screech, with a woo-hoo, a general yell or a peel of laughter, we men are not trying to shut you down by looking at you crossly. We are just trying to save our ears. Try to save yours, please, too. You have a lot of time ahead of you and there is no reason for all this excitement or hearing loss.

5. Men are not sexist as much as they are confused. Explain things to men in small steps. Men can follow steps. List each one. Do not make any leaps. Do not assume a man can fill in any blanks intuitively. Be as specific as possible. Use the language of tools or sports or maps.

6. Behind closed doors, most men will tell other men that women drive them crazy. Try to find out what you are doing that is driving your man crazy. Then try to do less of that. If you cannot, that means there is something about your man that drives you too crazy. Find a different man.

7. Men will always think you are a little too fat. They think they are a little too fat, too. Everyone is fat. You are not special. Be fat. And be honest about it. You like to eat. When you like to eat, you get fat. It's so normal. Own your ass.

8. January is lights-off month in the bedroom. The holidays did what they did. You can push up the dimmer in February. By March, you should be back in October shape. Drink lots of water.

9. Women are often better drivers than men. Choose to be the driver more often.

10. Be kind to your man. He is human, too. He just doesn't know it, sometimes. He was taught to dissociate, hunt the buffalo, bring it home, lay it at your feet. In return, you were supposed to prepare it and then give him the sex he craves. It was a stupid transaction, that's all, that took on a lot of cultural momentum. Forgive him. Forgive yourself. He is now living in a buffalo-free world and he just doesn't know what he's doing.

Let Go, Honeys

Stop trying to control everything.

Do not not serve gay people because they are gay because of your religion.  This suggestion holds especially true for emergency room staff.

If a storm is coming to town, and it happens to be entering an area that receives vectors of weather from all directions, North, South, East and West, like New York City does, then it makes no sense to call the game before it even starts.

If you do not believe in government, you should leave the United States since this country actually has a government. If the government isn't submitting to your dogmatic views, especially those of the constitutional conservative kind, it is because there are other people who voted for other things and we sort of live in a democracy. There is nothing you can do about democracy but make your voice heard, and then stand back and be in a little pain because things are not always going to go your way.

Your dog is not human. Stop pretending and stop forcing the canine. Cross species love does not require submission from the less sovereign animal.

Stop trying to control everything.

Friendly New Year Reminder: Two Things

It is time to backup your computer.
And...figure out a plan to make sure it is always backed up.
Combo of External Hard Drive and a cloud backup will serve you well.
Just trying to help.

And

Bleach your sponges.

Oh, Maureen...

Maureen Dowd got high and had the death trip. Sounds awful:

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/04/opinion/dowd-dont-harsh-our-mellow-dude.html?ref=todayspaper

But let us remember, before we laugh at her too hard:

1) She really didn't know how much she was eating.
2) Marijuana IS a hallucinogen.

Friends, pot is here to stay.  Eat sparingly. Smoke smartly. And remember---if things get really bad, don't sit still. If you find yourself lying on the floor like Maureen, fingering your green corduroys, get the hell up and walk around and repeat to yourself over and over, "I am safe. This is temporary. I am safe. This is temporary."  And breathe. It will go away. Your heart will stop pounding. And there is no one who is really out to get you.

You know--our biobags are sensitive little things. We need to take care of them. Moderation.

Maureen--you made a big stupid mistake Bogey-ing that candy bar.  But I did like, for maybe the first time ever in your column, that you seemed vulnerable.  Maybe that's the lesson here:  Sometimes, you hit the edge of your personality and you find out that you are not in control and it is scary. And then, you get to be vulnerable. Which is good. And maybe what it took to get Maureen Dowd to get like that, publicly, was a nasty high gone wrong.

So glad she made it out alive. Hopefully, she won't be one of the very few who turn schizophrenic from a too solid dosing. I bet not. She sounds like a person who is all about cause and effect and its rational skeleton.

Or, maybe she'll conquer her dosing inadequacies and find her sweet spot and become a mild, sensual pothead. That would be interesting.

Pot: Sure.

"It's the tax revenue, stupid."

To All My Highly Sensitive People Friends

http://www.salon.com/2014/05/21/6_signs_you_could_be_a_highly_sensitive_person_partner/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

Why not stay home this weekend and just finger the sofa?

If it's all too much, and it is, know you aren't alone.

Thank you, T, for sending this to me.

Luckily, I've got some good biPolarity in me and can transform into a Teflon warrior when needed.
The warrior pose, though, never lasts long.

Hugs. No wait. No hugs. Too much.

Air. Space. Calm.

Joy

May you have one of those Thursdays that is unreasonably joyful.
Like, you don't know how it happens...it takes you over when you aren't looking, and it turns out to be delightful.

They say chance favors those who are prepared.

I wish for you that even if you are not prepared at all that joy comes anyway.

This life is a whim.

Take a trip.

Pull a Geography, You'll Feel Better

If you are a homophobe in the NFL, do yourself a favor, and leave.

If you are a woman in India, do yourself a favor, leave. I’m not kidding.

If you are afraid of the new home and vehicle sharing/renewable energy economy, get a time machine and leave.

If you are against the right for a woman to control her own body, leave immediately.

If you are racist, why don’t you leave?

If you are an anti-Semite, let me introduce you to my best friends on earth, and then, please leave.

If you hate free education for all and Obamacare (which is going to become a single payer system one day, let’s face it), please leave.

If you want cheap cotton t-shirts and chemical filled hamburgers at ridiculously low prices at the expense of legal slavery and a destroyed planet, please go to Venus. Leave now.

If your opinion is to make the government small enough to drown it in the bathtub, please take a shower, and then leave.

If all you believe in is competition and shake at night in fear that someone is going to break into your house and steal your golden goose, take your bird and leave.

Just leave. You hate it all so much? You think gay marriage is causing planetary collapse? You can’t stand the thought of paying for an old black lady’s mammogram? You think women are property? You want what you want and you want it now and you don’t want that freedom fucked with? Go find a place where you can go be that.

If you hate change because it might lead to a lesser material advantage for you, leave immediately.

Go. Leave. Leave us alone. You miserable lunatics.

Yes…that is how I really feel.

And, you are welcome for my share.

Ten Hunches

1. There is no Right Wing equivalent to Karl Marx.

2. There is no anti-Christ prophet with as much reach as Christ.

3. Marx and Christ will be remembered because they were very clear and had impeccable timing.

4. Both men were dogmatic and did not fully understand the human condition. But we need our extremists to point the way.

5. Drug companies just make their prices up. It’s their way to suck money out of governments and insurance companies (since people can’t really afford the real high cost drugs).  Maybe, this is how our tax money goes to work. Though, the drug companies force this redistribution of wealth not unlike a band of thugs. It is organized crime. Don’t listen to their bullshit, no matter how much you believe in the right-to-profit, the right-to-freedom.

6. Eating a lot of baloney at an awards ceremony followed by three slices of pizza is a terrible thing to do on a Monday night. Christ and Marx help me. (I don’t want to deal with the drug companies tonight.)

7. There is no need for racism. But there is a need to have fun with different kinds of races. I would hate for my WASP husband to suddenly act like Beyonce—though he would love to pull it off, it’s simply not going to happen. Ever. (Okay, surprise me.)

8. I believe in the Einstein adage about creativity being better than intelligence. Intelligence can feel very solidifying. But it often does nothing more than succeed at organizing the past into a narrative. It is comforting. And, communicating this narrative is helpful to others. But this approach will never grab at the larger possibilities. However, it makes us feel safe.

9. See 10.

10. Sometimes, you choose an even number by habit. But you may run out of things along the way. Always be ready to revise.

Let Ralph Waldo Emerson do the Blog Tonight

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

Ten Things to Buy with Your Tax Refund, for 99 Percenters down to .01 Percenters

1. A bus ticket to Nanuet, New York where you can go shopping at one of the many malls or centers.

2. A bus ticket from Nanuet, NY to Paramus, NJ where you can get all the things they didn't have in Nanuet.

3. Dinner with Chris Christie at one of the finest restaurants in Toms River, NJ called "Shut Up & Eat." And four Altoids.

4. A fur coat made from high quality fake fur. Underwear not included.

5. Two nights at the Post Ranch Inn in Big Sur. With chocolate and seriously trendy California wine. Morning and evening massages. A muzzle for the guy in the man-moo who won't stop talking about fair market quinoa and the supremacy of bisexuality.

6. Four nights at The Pierre Hotel on East 61st Street in Manhattan. Dinner at Per Se. Lunch at Per Se. You and a rodeo clown get to round up all the horses in Manhattan and drive them out to Pennsylvania to cheering fans. Ellen Degeneres has you on her show as a hero.

7. A two bedroom apartment in the Seventh Arrondissement in Paris. Right across from the best petit-dejeuner place you've ever been to and now you get to chow there any morning you like. With a bidet, a concierge and the occasional visit by the Queen of Belgium.

8. Six highly trainable STD-free whores of your choosing, for six months for six hours every day (1 hour each. Why do I always have to do the math?)

9. The other part of the Ukraine that Russia didn't take.

10. An Israeli-Palestinian resolution, which will require the colonization of Mars.

11. Everyone else's money that you haven't yet taken. And you don't have to worry about air quality.

12. The seeable-to-the-naked-eye universe. And everyone tells you you deserve it.

13. And Lucky Thirteen:  Everything else that hasn't yet been claimed. Plus, anything you can invent as long as it is within reason. Surely, you'll have at least one 3-D printer for that job. And a dog. You'll need a dog.

You

Let's just say
You were yourself
All the time
And that whole thing
Of taking on a role to get things done
isn't real, isn't even happening

So it's all you
You're always you
no need for performance or the outfit

You do this
every day
It will be your habit

Much more vital and interesting

Please no one.

Note to self.

Career News: Face It

I have always been happiest when I put things in this exact order/subordination:

I am a person first. I am a career maker second.

Whenever I swap those, I get into wretched trouble.

Of course, what I have been mostly paying attention to as an adult is what it is to be a person. So it would make sense, in order for that to have any career value, to be a person first, anyway.

But even more importantly, if career comes first, then you are a career person and since you are what you do, then you are simply that and you slowly but surely become less interesting. Plus, you burn out and your ego gets inflated, takes a beating, rinse, repeat, blech.

Additionally, you could end up with a very skewed and sad perspective and a very strange face if you are single minded. Look at Goldie Hawn at the 2014 Oscars. She had an idea of her career, or something like that, coming first. She mutilated herself. If she had been a person first, she would not have ended up looking like ___________. There are so many sharp jokes that could be made at her expense. But really, sadly, she got caught up in a thought process that chucked herself first and put some misguided ambition in its place. It's not worth it. And it eats up your time and energy. And who you actually are.

Do not mutilate yourself. Anyone. Have a career. Second. Be a person. First.

Austerity

We're getting into the autumn years of autumn here. And it's stark. And the stark, when you look up at it, makes you feel sharper. You think in a sharp way, in the sense that the cold mixed with the edges of these leaves is such a clear experience that the brain doesn't wander around trying to come up with some other stimulation.

So you see one subject and you stay with it and it's worth it.

Pleasure, really. Maybe all this chronic attention deficit is an attempt to find pleasure.

Get to something stark and bright. Natural.

Do You Think This Career Article is Interesting?

System vs. Goals:

http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702304626104579121813075903866

Two Questions

1. Is it possible to achieve a state of non-aggression without using aggression?

2. Is all communication nothing but projection?

Pema Source

Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.

                                                Pema Chodron

Well, if you know Pema, like I don’t (but have read a book or two of hers) you will understand that she means this with love and not with any judgment.

However, let’s get into when this applies, at least, when I believe it applies. Say, every time something happens you have a certain kind of negative response that is larger than is necessary. I think it applies there until you figure out why you are overreacting. Or, if you always ___________ whenever faced with _____________ and you really do not want that second ______________. 

However, I do not believe this applies to the victimized. Like, “You will continue to be victimized until you learn to endure it better.”

The problem with aphorisms—is they are often out of context. But what we must do, because aphorism are so useful, is apply them where we believe they are useful. If we take an extreme literal stance on all sayings, like, “You create your own reality,” and find while saying this that we are living in a Concentration Camp, that is probably not the time to apply that statement.

If you begin with a loving understanding, and presume you are heading in the direction  of love for others, the self, animals, the planet, something else, so many sayings are wonderfully useful.  If you in a very dark place, sometimes you just have to get the hell out of there in a primary way before Pema can kick in.

Lastly, what we need to know is never an intellectual thing. It is always one of those I-accept-the-truth-of-these-feelings-and-where-they-come-from thing. You can never really think your way out of a state. You can temporarily distract yourself, which is great. But you have to get to the bottom of it. And usually the feelings have something to do with primary reactions to original environment that gain momentum and heft. But when we know what it is, that can be reversed.

I have seen wealthy men in the hills of LA with terror in their eyes about fear of loss.

Sometimes, Kafkaesque Means a Good Thing

A Saying

Disgust is a cover up for longing.