Helping the Ladies from a Gay Man Who is Emotionally Intuitive who Lives with Another Man

1.  If you are a model with a blank dead stare in your eyes, you are objectifying yourself and doing nothing good for anyone. Have a sandwich. Don't be dissociated.

2. If you want a man to be monogamous, marry one who is over 40 years old. Even better, over 50.

3. Men, many, are on-task types. Let them finish their task.

4. If you are a girl under eighteen who likes to screech, with a woo-hoo, a general yell or a peel of laughter, we men are not trying to shut you down by looking at you crossly. We are just trying to save our ears. Try to save yours, please, too. You have a lot of time ahead of you and there is no reason for all this excitement or hearing loss.

5. Men are not sexist as much as they are confused. Explain things to men in small steps. Men can follow steps. List each one. Do not make any leaps. Do not assume a man can fill in any blanks intuitively. Be as specific as possible. Use the language of tools or sports or maps.

6. Behind closed doors, most men will tell other men that women drive them crazy. Try to find out what you are doing that is driving your man crazy. Then try to do less of that. If you cannot, that means there is something about your man that drives you too crazy. Find a different man.

7. Men will always think you are a little too fat. They think they are a little too fat, too. Everyone is fat. You are not special. Be fat. And be honest about it. You like to eat. When you like to eat, you get fat. It's so normal. Own your ass.

8. January is lights-off month in the bedroom. The holidays did what they did. You can push up the dimmer in February. By March, you should be back in October shape. Drink lots of water.

9. Women are often better drivers than men. Choose to be the driver more often.

10. Be kind to your man. He is human, too. He just doesn't know it, sometimes. He was taught to dissociate, hunt the buffalo, bring it home, lay it at your feet. In return, you were supposed to prepare it and then give him the sex he craves. It was a stupid transaction, that's all, that took on a lot of cultural momentum. Forgive him. Forgive yourself. He is now living in a buffalo-free world and he just doesn't know what he's doing.