Worse than an Abba Fag

While sitting in too much traffic today, heading East on Venice Boulevard, I was listening to Lyle Lovett. Then, I got to thinking about the other old tapes sitting in my ancient collection. They're all stuffed into a black cassette holder that my brother gave to me as a going away present in 1993 when I drove across the country in my swanky new Geo Prizm, which I still drive to this day. The car has 140,000 miles on it and I won't throw it out until it completely dies.

So I reached into the discolored vinyl tape case (black turning brown) because I had nothing else to do and there among the old gems was some Hall & Oates. It's been years since I popped it in. I felt downright mischievous.

An amazing compilation of popular Eighties tunes, I must have taped it off my greatest hits record before I sold it off with all my other albums when I left New York City. I adjusted the bass to get that driving beat going. Made sure the volume was just right because my speakers tend to distort when the music is too loud. And there I sat in my hot rod, doors locked, windows rolled up and I sang along with that Hall & Oates and nobody could stop me.

It's such crappy music, I'm surprised no one has made a Mamma Mia type musical out of it. But you know what? It's also kind of good in this completely bad, time warped way.

Who can resist the swooning Sara Smile?

And how about that visual memory of the awful Eighties video of Private Eyes with everyone in trench coats?

And does anyone else besides me have trouble singing along to the syncopations of I Can't Go for That? Just download it and try it now...You'll wonder who thought up such a rhythm. Or simply sample it if you can't bear to own it:

Hall & Oates Sampler---Amazon

I know. I'm so uncool. But how surprising can this be from someone who drives a slightly altered Toyota that is repackaged as a GM product and still has his faded out cassettes? Plus, if you're going to be as big a nerd as I am, then you might as well take full advantage of audio time travel.

H & O radically peaked with Maneater, sure. And even I know how bad that one was. But hell, whatever it takes to drive across LA.



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