Relaxing with Illness

I have an idea

I need to write a book about what to do when you are waiting for your doctor’s appointment.

As things stand, it takes forever to get to see the doctor at a reduced price. You have to go to the certain place on the certain day when your certain doctor is actually there---

And even if we do move to a single payer plan, well, for sure, the Republicans will do everything they can to under fund such a thing to prove that it just doesn't work. Kind of like they did with the war (even though they actually wanted it to work). A cheap, sour people, these Republicans.

In either scenario, unless it is an emergency, one waits for the doctor.

So how about a book about what to do for yourself while you wait for days on end for your appointment? With chapter ideas like:

That Nasty Rash: A perfect reason for a three day soak in a bathtub of vinegar.

The Flu: Throw on the ice pack. Enjoy the hallucinations. By the time you get to the doctor, it’ll all be over.

Back Pain: Stop stressing and it’ll go away.

Abdominal Pain: It’s not your gallbladder but go ahead and do the olive oil/lemon juice cleanse anyway. It kills time.

Anxiety: Drink.

Overly Heavy Menstrual Flow: Sin and bear it. Rent Carrie.

Profound Migraine: You’ve all heard the wife’s tale about how to fix this one. Go for it.

Gash: Wrap it tight. Say goodnight.

Warts All Over: You’re probably a witch. Jump in a river and see if you sink or float. If you sink, you’ll drown. If you float, get out, dry off, have some eye of newt.

Generalized Doom: Walk a lot. Steal things.

Allergies: Change location. Steam. Wash your clothes and hair. Keep changing locations, steaming and washing. Eventually, you’ll end up in Iceland. It’s a better place.

Coated Tongue: Finally take your dentist’s advice and buy a tongue scraper. Scrape for three days. Rinse.

Numbness in the Extremities: Just a reaction to the Modern era. Rent old movies. Listen to Sixties, Seventies, even Eighties Pop.

Inexplicable Bad Breath: Throw away all your garlic, onions and socks (the latter is for fetishists only). No need for heavy salamis, either. Then, clean out the entire refrigerator followed by your whole filthy house. Suck on breath mints while working. Sugarfree.

Broken Toes: Think about what stupid thing you did that made this happen. Then think about all the other stupid things you do. Figure out why you do such stupid things. Is it for the attention? Are you just lazy? Or are you, actually, not so bright? Work on figuring out the answers.


So, perhaps there is a method to the madness of healthcare in this country. If it just takes too long to get an appointment, well, maybe you’ll just grin and bear it until the pain goes away and you'll cancel.

It wouldn’t make any sense to have a greater number of available doctors, now, would it? Because that would increase supply, so their fees would decrease. So we must keep the number of available doctors, like available barrels of oil, low.

In a single payer system, would it be better? Since the economic structure would change? So it would not be based on the lack of available physicians? Or am I just being naïve like a blind Canadian?