Stormy Weather

In order to maintain my high spirits on this eight year anniversary of the collapse of innocence in the Western Hemisphere, I have decided to focus on one of the great things that I love about the natural world: The weather.

I was a frogs-tornadoes-streams kind of kid. And maps. I like the outdoors. And lucky for me, I am living in a place in New York that has a lot of air and trees: bulky Queens. Tonight, a Noreaster is blowing and teasing. You have to love them. They feel like real local weather coming in, as opposed to the blanket of strange happenings that blow over us from the West.

Though my windows are wide open to let in the breeze, I still wanted context and narrative, so I went to The Weather Channel online because, you know, I wanted to see a swirly map. AND GUESS WHAT? Frank Batten is DEAD!

You don’t know who Frank Batten is? Neither did I. He is the founder of The Weather Channel—the great cable TV upstart of 1982.

Thanks for everything, Frank. I love that I can type in a zip code or a city with the state and find out what the hell is going on. Cats and Dogs? Dry wild fires? Snow on the heath?

Of course, I can just look out the window, which I do. But mostly, when I want to know the outside temperature (for coat reasons), I look it up online on your channel and I feel like I help the environment by NOT buying a thermometer with all that scary mercury in it. Plus, I find interesting, newsy tidbits about the earth's natural (or unnatural at this point) state.

Frank---here’s the forecast: Chance of cold death, with no possible jet stream of return. Hope it feels like a May Day in Southern California. Thanks for The Weather Channel. Dorks like me, we can’t get enough of it. Also, sounds like you were greatly admired. Congratulations on the weather empire. What a great business idea. Weather never goes away and it’s always interesting. Everyone DOESN'T necessarily know it's Windy.