Let Me Out of Here!

Here I sit at Jeff's house. It's his birthday, you know. Straight across from me is the McCain lawn banner I pulled out of someone's bush. I am an adult, and yet I couldn't help but vandalize, if you can call it that.

How, on earth, can someone put a McCain sign in their bush?

I didn't even think about it. I just ripped it out and brought it as quarry.

All this talk about Obama not being ready to lead, or Obama being black-as-trouble or Obamaramadingdong, whatever. A pangolin could do a better job than McCain. Imagine if someone came along right after Herbert Hoover and said, "Let's do what Herbie was doing."

I feel a surge of energy. I'd do anything to keep these freaky lunatics out of the White House. The best I could come up with was yanking out this sign.

But truly, and I am not a warring person, I would go to war to secede. Chile's a skinny little country on the Pacific coast and does quite well. I can see a one-hundred mile wide strip up and down the whole west coast becoming its own nation. The Northeast can easily be another sovereign entity, comprising New York, New Jersey and New England. I'd fight for both of these nascent democracies.

Why is the union so important? Furthermore, if South Ossetia wants to be part of Russia, go for it. Who cares! People who can't stand to be lumped with other people, let them part.

The world map needs some changing. People have decided who they are and they are taking sides. Let them. I would happily isolate the middle of this country. Let their main artery to the world be the deranged and filthy Mississippi River. Let them eat all their soy beans and corn. We'll eat greens and decent cheeses.

Oh, to secede! To secede!