Thursday, April 28, 2011


Sometimes you just need the long form birth certificate and the game is over.

“I know that there’s going to be a segment of people for which, no matter what we put out, this issue will not be put to rest,” Mr. Obama said. “But I’m speaking to the vast majority of the American people, as well as to the press. We do not have time for this kind of silliness.”

Obama, 2012. I'd bet my next baby on it.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I Can't Stop with the Frigging Cherry Trees

















Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Two Very Beautiful, Natural Things

The law firm that was going to represent the Republican lunatics who want to enforce the Defense of Marriage Act (A.K.A. Hate a Fag for Lunch Club) has backed out. No one wants to defend that law, or slavery or the Shoah.

And the Cherry Trees really mean it this year up at the Jackie O. reservoir in Central Park.

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Sunday, April 24, 2011

Fast Trains Please

Lots of talk in the news lately about the high speed trains that are not really taking off.

Friends, have you ever been on a high speed train? Almost nothing feels better. You are going so fast, but you are on the ground. Sure, you could possibly hit a cow or a log, but chances are you won’t and you can get from city center to city center so fast and you can read a book!

Note: Right Wingers hate the idea of schedules and fewer cars. They fear that having to adhere to a train schedule will reduce their freedom. Plus, it’s a collective thing, these trains, and anything that smacks of being-with-others freaks them out. I gather this from what I can tell by reading about their distaste for these trains. They talk about the cost of the trains, too---but really, they talk about the cost of everything so nothing new here. (You don’t often hear them talk about the cost of defense, though.) It’s like having a father around who, no matter how great the future might possibly be according to optimistic views, just continually says no and continues his sour life of duty bound imprisonment that he thinks is something else.

If the United States is so great, and if France and China can do it, why can’t we?

Righties—listen up. We are being left behind. You are holding onto old ideas of freedom---Please let them go and join the rest of the world. You’re going to be fine. You can sit in a train with someone else. It will cost a whole load to build the whole thing, but won’t it be fun to have something TANGIBLE that we all did together?

Will ONE Right Wing person reading this, just ONE respond and say, “Sure, I’d love to jump on a high speed train. Let’s do it.”

Thursday, April 21, 2011

An Optimistic View of a Comet at These End of Days

Polls show that people have reached their bottom of pessimism.

All sorts of art (and I include movies here) are apocalyptic or post apocalyptic.

The Right and the Left are in a huge fight---but even so, most people cannot even listen to it any longer.

These are the days when everything is dead---but even worse, stale.

We fly back into the sun and let ourselves burn to a crisp. It’s over.

All logic fails. All attempts are thwarted. It seems.

People hate each other. Groups hate each other. Small towns hate big cities. Big cities hate small towns. San Francisco hates L.A. New York hates L.A. (But funny, L.A. hates no one.)

Rich people resent the thievery and thuggery of the poor. Poor people resent the thievery and thuggery of the rich.

Education has failed.

American babies are sicker than ever.

Bridges fall. Nothing works.

And that’s the good news.

I am once again thrilled about the state of affairs. I believe the only way out is up. And it’s going to be so creative and lovely. I’m putting on my Nikes. Hale-Bopp, come get me.

(But I’m going alive.)

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Thoughts, Full On

Never trust a beagle with a fake paw.

When falling in love, understand it is only temporary and something else will take its place.

Shopping is fun if you do it infrequently.

Rodents are who they are.

Orange is the color of possibility and discomfort.

Small boats are cute but large boats are safer, depending.

Los Angeles is the Perth of North America. That’s fine.

Upon seeing a dog erection for the first time, one always thinks of bleeding.

Old friends are wonderful until they calcify. Stay with the ones who keep loose.

Do not read Cheever and expect to be happy.

Flat Screen televisions are destroying movie theaters. Fine with me.

People used to know how to behave in public. Now they all have diabetes.

Being born in Bronxville, NY is strange since I have never been there since, only passed through.

Jungles are fascinating. I would like to actually see one.

I have not had one day in my life when I was completely healthy. I guess I’ll live.

Sometimes a woman over 40 will suddenly become a lesbian. Let her be.

Hunchbacks are people, too.

Cut flowers are worth the money.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Just Do the Math

I listen to Right Wing people sometimes…talking about the distribution of wealth (or in their irate words—the redistribution of wealth) and how horrible it all is. Their angered pleas are often self righteous, but more to the point, they simply believe that taxing and spending the gathered tax money is theft, is inefficiently handled and supports sloth.

There is not much math behind these emotional outcries. I always push the issue and ask, “Can you show me the numbers on that?” And they never can. They just have a gut feeling.

And then they rant on and I calmly ask for real samples, real numbers and none are forthcoming.

As I stood my ground one weekend at someone’s over tiled dacha, he finally said to me, “I guess I’m just a selfish asshole.” And I responded, “Maybe.”

What most right wing people do not understand is money. It’s sort of hilarious, but they just don’t understand that you need to keep it moving around or the system dies. It is agreed in all scientific journals that any system, in order for it to thrive, needs to be greatly diversified with resources spread very evenly. If this is true in nature, why would it not be true for us, since what we are is, gulp, some sort of ultimate expression of nature?

With this, I bring you some real numbers. I am happy to blog this so if I am ever confronted again, I can just do a search and hand this over. Of course, in a fit of rage, the unrelenting tax-hater will simply respond, “These numbers are not right.” And then I will ask again. “Then show me yours.”

The Current Economy

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Not Gonna

The Four Seasons of a Weekend House in the Northeast:

Snow, Pollen, Bugs, Leaves.

Forget it.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Oh, Mongoose

Oh Mongoose, teach me your talent. There are snakes I need to digest.

Monday, April 11, 2011

The Time Has Come

The time has come. I have run through my monthly twenty free articles online for The New York Times. If I want to continue, I have to pay for a subscription. It would be valid for our two computers and our two phones. But still, do I want to? Will I do it? Should I do it? I think I will do it.

This is why. As much as I have tried to ignore the fact, sort of, the truth is money is what we use to trade for things. The market bears stuff. And we pay it. This is how it works. I am sick of trying to reinvent wheels. My damn ankle hair is gray. I would like The New York Times to be free. But for that, we would all end up with something equivalent to Network television: Reality shows and automobile commercials. Blech.

We used to pay for The Los Angeles Times. Over a decade ago, The Los Angeles Times was completely enjoyable with a wry tone, not to mention smart and Pulitzery. It became full-on fish wrap in this new millennium. But we kept paying because there was something nice about the daily paper. Eventually, we canceled because, well, it became unreadable.

We have been enjoying The New York Times for free for years. Isn’t it time to pay for it? If for no other reason so they can reconstitute their proofreading department and catch all those horrendous errors?

Call me persnickety, but I do not like typos in my newspaper.

Friday, April 08, 2011

Eric Whitacre--Virtual Choir

Please Start Your Weekend with This.
All Things are Officially Possible.

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Adele and Congress: Someone Like You

As the government shuts down—we’ve seen this before—take a few minutes to enjoy Adele if you haven’t yet seen this tuber. Imagine she is an American looking for citizenship in a better country, say, Denmark. But Denmark won’t have her, so she has to face trying to find something like Denmark. Okay, it’s a stretch. Scratch. Just enjoy it.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

I'm No Friend Of Killers, But...

I am online, reading the article about the stay of execution for Cleve Foster. Sounds like the stay is for lots of small technical reasons. But what about the big reason? What the hell are you doing killing people?

I guess I am a fundamentalist. I do not see any reason for intellectual debate about the death penalty. And even if you have the debate—mostly about cash---the truth is it is cheaper to keep these death row people alive than it is to pay for all those appeals. But I digress from my original stance. I am a fundamentalist. I simply do not understand how we can have capital punishment. It is so fucking barbarian.

No matter how you slice it, there are people who kill people. Somehow, in a war, it is justified. Don’t get that one either. But the people who kill other people in civilian life, whether premeditated for cash, in a fit of jealous rage or just because that person likes to kill for pleasure, well, there is just something profoundly wrong with that kind of person.

We can put them on trial, sure. Throw them in jail forever, certainly. But is it not clear that a killer is someone who, in addition to committing the most heinous crime there is, is also completely wacked? And then you just go and kill that someone?

I fundamentally oppose it. And I am starting to question abortion, too---but I’m not touching that uterine third rail. But if I were to dig in, I would say—give the unwanted babies to The Bible Belt, all of them. And to all the people who cannot have children---so we can stop this insane in-vitro-with-old-eggs that I am certain is leading to all these designer-damaged kids.

And now, hate me.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

The Letter V

Friends, I play Facebook Scrabble. There, I said it. Challenge me, do whatever you need to do. Love to play with you. But first, hear me out.

Why is the letter V only worth four points? I mean, it’s barely usable. You always get it when you don’t have access to many E’s. Sometimes you have two sitting there and you just want to stab out your eyeballs with them.

I Vote for making the V worth five points. Letter writing campaign? Anyone with me on this?

The Letter V: How dare it B?

Monday, April 04, 2011

As Mundane as the Weather Is

Today, I saw an outdoor thermometer read fifty-three degrees.

This might be a very boring blog entry if I did not describe exactly what happened. I became light in my foot steps, warm in my chest and absolutely happy. I experienced the relief one feels after someone finally closes an awful open window or pulls out a thick splinter, the size of a plank.

This might peg me as some sort of shallow person with a small inner life with an over developed sense of need for bodily comfort. So be it.

I know an actor who lives in New York City because he loves it and wants to raise his children here—but because he is in high demand he needs to travel frequently so whenever Los Angeles calls, he simply jumps on a plane and goes there. For auditions, what have you. It is worth the sacrifice for him. He needs the culture of New York City. Plus, he seems a bit of an old fashioned man-o-the-tribe. He says, “You can’t live somewhere just for the weather.”

He is wrong.

You can live somewhere for almost anything. Heat. Boat shows. Pussy.


You name it.