Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Let's Get Corny

Okay, okay...so you need water to grow it and you need chemicals to make sure it gets big and doesn't get eaten by insects...but friends, let's just get behind this corn thing anyway.

How hard will it be for agro-geneticists to come up with a strain of corn that repels all vermin? Make a bitter tasting kernel that's as thick is my big toenail---that'll keep away the corn weevils.

And furthermore, wouldn't it be better to throw used corn based household products into a landfill than to eat the same corn as high fructose corn syrup which does nothing but fatten your ass?

While Rove learns that Machiavellian principles may have been fine for some old version of Italy but not for the present day world and Georgie Bush holds fast to his daddy-please-love-me-and-approve-of-me war and Condi runs around in her come-fuck-me boots when she isn't playing at piano recitals and Cheney's cronies keep hoarding as much oil money as possible for Dick for when his "public service" has ended and all sorts of Religionists blow up public transportation because they don't want anyone in their holy land, the rest of us could simply ignore them and their projected inner dramas that do nothing but kill and sadden people and just focus on our corny future.

America is the land of corn. Let's do what we do best. Let's consume it like crazy.

Corn, it isn't just for hogs anymore.

We are a corn culture!

Proof:


I'm as Corny as Kansas in August.

Jubilation T. Cornpone.

The Corn is as high as an elephant's eye.

A Star is Corn.

Corn Free.

The Corn Identity.

Come Blow your Corn.

There's Got To Be a Corning After.

September Corn.

Corning Becomes Electra.

Making Corn.


BUY CORN!!!


Biodegradable Corn Based Products

3 comments:

Dan said...

Wasn't that sung by Kernal Rip Corn?

Don Cummings said...

I WAS TRYING TO COME UP WITH ONE FOR TORN!
Thanks!

Anonymous said...

I'm on board with this stuff. Now here's an idea, can we all get together and sell this stuff to restaurants and offices in LA?

Don't know if you're aware, but SF is going to post a 17 cent (? was it 7?) tax on every plastic bag leaving a major grocery store very soon. Don't have the link, sorry.

Sounds like a great idea from someone working across the 99 Cents Only store on Wilshire.

I'm a friend of Bart's, BTW.

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