War of Three Centuries, Couplets of Disappointment

H.G. Wells and Steven Spielberg have come together as a couple and it seems to me that Stevey really, really likes it. Too bad for us.




First of all, in his writing career, Wells was a bit of a diviner of the future. He predicted a lot of the weapons that would be used in wars in the twentieth century, including nuclear bombs.

Steven Spielberg predicts nothing.



The unification and militarization of Germany in response to Napoleon and a general rise in European nationalism during the late Nineteenth Century is mostly what spurred Mr. Wells to write this story. It was his little way of saying, “Looks like we’re all going to be going to war soon.”

Steven Spielberg, again, predicts nothing. He looked backward at our little terrorist problem in 2001. This obvious nod was revealed at the beginning of the movie before we get to any facts about an alien invasion. Shoehorned right up front. More than once Dakota Fanning screeched, “Is it the terrorists?” What an abuse of recent history and children. And the nod continues with images of hundreds of notices all over public areas, similar to the ones that asked, “Have you seen my husband?”—that were posted all over New York after the terrorist attacks. Steven Cheeseburg will stop at nothing to get a cheesy American response to anything. This was beyond insulting and had absolutely nothing to do with the story. For this, he should be hanged by the clutching metal octopus arm of an alien spaceship over a hot vat of limburger.



Seems to me, the recent understanding of microbial level Darwinism was a very interesting area of science at the end of the late Nineteenth Century. And so, H.G. tossed this in as the finale for the whole story. Lazy, yes. But at the time, microbes were probably as interesting and heft making in a story as Hydrogen fuel cells are today. Or a jet pack powered by corn.

Steve was just lazy. He used the microbe thing, too. But with no spin. No fuel cells. No flights by maize.



In H.G. Well’s day, there were some very fine actors.

Tom Cruise was just awful and wonderfully paunchy. Dakota Fanning, though, was amazing in her weird little way and she looks exactly and spookily like my nephew.



Tim Robbins was a sort of tardo in Mystic River.

Tim Robbins is a sort of tardo in this dreck, too.



If you have the time and money, use them to do anything else but see this ridiculous movie.
Or just find that nice guy with glasses you know who likes to point a camera at obvious, trite, exploding moronia and hang out with him at the Scientology Celebrity Center. Or maybe give blood?

P.U.