Wednesday, September 14, 2005

BiCoastal Chronicles: The Coop Board Meeting

First the Good, then the Bad and the Ugly.

Adam and I met at the lawyer’s office in Astoria so Adam could sign some papers since he won’t be here at closing. We had some lunch at the award winning Mike’s Diner. We changed into our nice shirts and arrived in Jackson Heights on time (early) and ready to wrap this thing up.

We still liked the neighborhood, even more so. The leafy streets and landscaped dividers really are lovely. The old buildings are all in perfect shape, including our spotless digs.

Everything seemed to be going well.

Now, the Bad and the Ugly. Which I must posit in a list of questions:

1. Why is the Coop Board Office in the basement behind the laundry room?

2. Who were these two guys, really, who interviewed us? One weighed about 300 pounds, was wall-eyed and had silver, curly hair. He looked like he should have been stuffing an Italian pastry down his gullet. He sat very disapprovingly throughout in his old T-shirt. The other guy: a bulldog in a tank top, covered with tattoos. We had met this bulldog before...in the laundry room. He seemed scary then. He seemed less scary this time, but still, scary.

3. Why were these two mooks upset that we’d be using the place part time?

4. Why did we get the incredibly wretched feeling that these two slobs in basement attire were completely homophobic and did not want us to be living in their building?

5. Why, at the end of the meeting when the big curly guy said, “Call the coop board next Monday to find out if you passed,” in a dismissive tone did we get the feeling that they hated us and that we were not being accepted?

6. How is it that coop boards can behave this way, legally discriminating based on hunches, prejudices or the color maroon?

7. Why, in June, when I saw matching flags posted on each entryway fire escape on the buildings, realizing it must have been a coop board that did this, and knowing that American flags mean right wing Nazis and had a sinking feeling in my stomach due to said flags, did I not steel myself even more for this meeting which would certainly be a clash of lifestyles?

8. Why, in a place that is only ten minutes from mid-town Manhattan, are people so blue collar, angry and holding meetings in hot basements?

9. Why do we have to sit and wait until Monday to find out if we were accepted?

10. Why can’t we all just get along at the register?

3 comments:

Dan said...

Because if they let in one gay couple, then the whole place goes and gay and before you know it, it's a clean and tidy building. And guys like that don't like clean and tidy.

Ten minutes from mid-town is a lifetime away. It's New York - just stay in your ghetto and everything is fine.

Todd HellsKitchen said...

Hm.

Well... My own Board meeting was held in an unairconditioned meeting room in back of the laundry room one hot June day...

The annual Board Meetings are held in the unairconditioned laundry room itself every sweltering July.

So... perhaps this is a good omen for great things to come!??

There's still time to send a box of Krispy Kremes and a six pack of Budweiser to this dynamic duo...

Keep us posted!

Cheers,

Mr. H.K.
Postcards from Hell's Kitchen
And I Quote Blog

Rebecca Waring said...

I am unfamiliar with the whole coop-culture. I'm not even sure we have them in DC. But I can't believe in the US of A you have to have 2 fat Italians actually like you in order to plunk down your cash on a new apartment. This is so 1950s. Very surreal.