BiCoastal Chronicles: The Coop Board Meeting

First the Good, then the Bad and the Ugly.

Adam and I met at the lawyer’s office in Astoria so Adam could sign some papers since he won’t be here at closing. We had some lunch at the award winning Mike’s Diner. We changed into our nice shirts and arrived in Jackson Heights on time (early) and ready to wrap this thing up.

We still liked the neighborhood, even more so. The leafy streets and landscaped dividers really are lovely. The old buildings are all in perfect shape, including our spotless digs.

Everything seemed to be going well.

Now, the Bad and the Ugly. Which I must posit in a list of questions:

1. Why is the Coop Board Office in the basement behind the laundry room?

2. Who were these two guys, really, who interviewed us? One weighed about 300 pounds, was wall-eyed and had silver, curly hair. He looked like he should have been stuffing an Italian pastry down his gullet. He sat very disapprovingly throughout in his old T-shirt. The other guy: a bulldog in a tank top, covered with tattoos. We had met this bulldog before...in the laundry room. He seemed scary then. He seemed less scary this time, but still, scary.

3. Why were these two mooks upset that we’d be using the place part time?

4. Why did we get the incredibly wretched feeling that these two slobs in basement attire were completely homophobic and did not want us to be living in their building?

5. Why, at the end of the meeting when the big curly guy said, “Call the coop board next Monday to find out if you passed,” in a dismissive tone did we get the feeling that they hated us and that we were not being accepted?

6. How is it that coop boards can behave this way, legally discriminating based on hunches, prejudices or the color maroon?

7. Why, in June, when I saw matching flags posted on each entryway fire escape on the buildings, realizing it must have been a coop board that did this, and knowing that American flags mean right wing Nazis and had a sinking feeling in my stomach due to said flags, did I not steel myself even more for this meeting which would certainly be a clash of lifestyles?

8. Why, in a place that is only ten minutes from mid-town Manhattan, are people so blue collar, angry and holding meetings in hot basements?

9. Why do we have to sit and wait until Monday to find out if we were accepted?

10. Why can’t we all just get along at the register?