Wednesday, September 20, 2006

No Atheists in Foxholes

The beauty of the theatre is after all the fighting and crying, everyone comes back together to make it happen.

It’s so infantile. The primacy of the struggle is very interesting.

Why does one want it to be so good? I mean, at the end of the day, if the play isn’t good, well then, it’s just that all the elements did not come together.

My plays are hard to perform. In fact, it takes quite a bit of concentration and long arc pushing to really go through one of my stories. I’ve seen so much failure when it comes to presenting my material.

At times, the actors on the stage get it. They have these moments of fantastic poetic need. They show the vulnerability of living.

And at times, they bang through it with lead feet, saying what they have to say just because it’s time.

When a few actors can pull it off, together, the more confident I become.

One wonders, after having logged in close to 800 hours on a project, if it was worth it.

It remains to be seen.

I found myself looking toward the ceiling this evening. I was all, “God, help me.”

There is a great fantasy that there is someone out there who cares.

But at the end of the day, it’s the wanting of the caring that is suspect. At the end of the day, the result does not matter. The fun fight to get it all done, that was the joy.

Now, I listen to Debussy’s The Girl with the Flaxen Hair and I am very happy.

And though I hold all things unseen suspect, I imagine there must be something great, cool, bigger than us...but of course, this is nothing more than my need to be more than I am.


Rebecca Waring said...

I think the way you are putting so much of yourself out there - and into this project - well, it IS divine. It's a higher force coming through you, sacred. And I have found in my life that, rather then getting into that God-Help-Me foxhole mentality, I picture what it is that I want. I guess it's corny but visualization is powerful. I 'see' it coming true and then I humbly ask the Universe and All Involved for their help. And the results can be astonishing. My sermon for this morning. I can't wait to see the play!

Anonymous said...

Meryl Streep wouldn't trudge through your lines...!

I LOVED the NY readings and productions of your plays...