Precious and Sinus

With the success of the novel, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which, for those of you who don’t know, is a mashup of Jane Austen’s P&P with a Zombie story, I thought it might be time to review Precious (thank you WGA screeners) with an interspersed, detailing of my sinus suffering.

Precious, based on the novel, Push, by Sapphire is a great movie, if you like pain, and I do. I can tolerate a great deal of pain. It is only when I am not in pain that I become neurotic, thus, looking for pain at every turn, or at least excitement.

This past week in Los Angeles, which was for the celebration of our good friends who are now, in their mid-forties, pregnant with twins, afforded us ample opportunity to stay in the houses of friends. Cats. Pillows with dust mites. Packs of Camel Wides. Various garden variety drugs used to induce a festive feeling. Pressure changes. Jet trips. And improper eating. These, combined with my propensities, led to infection. Allergy sufferers really should not leave the house.

Precious had to leave her house. Her father was fucking her. (Though, he had already left the house). Her mother was beating her. (Who had no intention of ever leaving her house). And her two product-of-incest children certainly needed a new life, if not, also, some fresh air. Through a great alternative schooling program, Precious moves on. Very Oprah. Very good. The movie, really, is very good, if, at times, hard to understand.

I feel abused by my immune system. I was simply born. Out of a birth canal came I…with some DNA passed onto me from my exceptionally runty, sick Sicilian grandfather.

Mo’nique will certainly get an Oscar for her portrayal as the most horrible, most uneducated, mostest meanest bitch on earth. She pulls it off. She even tries to kill her daughter by throwing a television at her, down a flight of stairs. It’s very over the top and you believe it.

Though it seems a bit over the top, I rinsed out my head two to three times each day for four days with Neilmed Sinus Rinse, and when I returned to New York, a good double daily steaming with my Vicks Personal Steam Inhaler . I am in control of my body.

Having never lay claim to her physical being, Precious had to learn a boundary, learn how to read, and to get out of a very nasty situation. A Best Actress nomination is surely in the offing for Gabourdey Sidibe, whom the casting directors must have sighed with relief when she walked into their office as the perfect physical and emotional embodiment of the main character from the novel Push.

I will never get an Oscar for attending to my sinus troubles.

Precious is a movie best watched at home so you can rewind every time you do not understand what they are saying, which is often, and I am usually pretty good at this stuff.

Mariah Carey as the social worker was fantastic and I wish she would massage my forehead and maxillary sinus area every day.

See this movie. Honestly, it starts out a tidge heavy handed, but lands pretty much right in your face. You’ll love it. It’s pretty frigging rough to take. But people survive. We must, whether we are being bashed over the head with apartment projectiles or attacked internally with microscopic haters.