Wednesday, August 31, 2011

It is Simply Time to Ask

How many emails are usually sitting around in your inbox?

Me: 50

The long term ones for future use are filed into labels.

Question is, what is worth organizing?
Another question is, is search enough?

Enjoy Yourself. Your Life as You Once Knew It, is over.


Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Kids Gets Stuck Tubing in a River in Rockland County After Big Storm

What else is new?

We used to dive off the top of an old iron bridge that connected our neighborhood to the Mahwah Ford Plant right into the Ramapo River after a huge flood. We did know where the big rock was and the big log.

Then, we wouldn't even use a tube---we'd body surf right down the swollen river to Devil's Ditch and pull ourselves out on the Western Edge.

When it was less roiled, we'd use tubes. Inner tubes we stole from the back of the Shortline Bus Terminal. Watch out for snapping turtles.

Ah, summer floods.

This kid---he should have waited two days.

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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Earthquakes and Elevators

From my time calculation, I think I was in the elevator of my building when the earthquake hit today. I didn’t feel a thing.

Earthquakes are funny beasts. You only feel them in certain places. Location, type of structure, your own movement, all of it matters in the perception department.

I don’t mind earthquakes. Was in the huge Northridge Quake of ’94. That was a horror movie.

But I am glad I did not feel today’s East Coast Quake. One of the things I like about the East is the idea that the ground is super solid. It’s nice to not have been disabused of this false notion.

Quakes. The earth does what it does.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

A Consortium of Corporations Called U.S.A.

Everywhere I turn, something is being sold that is either purely organic or sustainable or even better, magic.

It’s like you practically read signs along the turnpike, “OUR SLUDGE that we pour into your drinking water is completely organic. After we use this solvent to remove the lead paint from the surface of tons of Polypropylene Benzene washed engine parts, we wave a wand and it turns into omega-3 enhanced edible sludge. You could feed it to your autistic baby and it will be healed and grow up to major in macro economics at Harvard.”

Could all this bullshit be true?

People will sell you anything in this country.

Furthermore, my Android phone, what on earth are you made of? Are you the future replacement of all flesh?

I touch heat-carbon receipts and I can feel my liver curl.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Things that Start with B

I am a Boy.

We watched Blue Valentine tonight. It was fantastic. You must.
(Why are so few movies this simple and this great?)
Click it, rent it, Buy it.
Blue Valentine

We are going to Baltimore today.

I have two cartons of Blueberries in the fridge. Why did I overBuy?

I had lunch with my ex-girlfriend of the 80’s, Barbara, at Le Pain Q. Comforting.

My ego thinks it can Beat your ego. It is so often wrong and scampers back home to steam its nostrils and to read magazines.

I just figured out how to turn my phone into a WiFi device. It was Big fun. I am paying for it. I like it legal and Businesslike.

I want to thank Boris Karloff for his early unionizing efforts.

Why Republicans only get further to the Right and do not moderate? Beats me.

As you get older, a Boy’s Balls go on a desperate downward voyage toward the iron core of earth.

When I was young, I had a Bunny named Edgar. He died on the Fourth of July, of thirst.

I would hate to be hit in the head by a Baseball Bat.

Bigger is only Better, occasionally. Tumors, Termites, Losses? I say Bring it down.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Book of Mormon

It's great fun for the whole family! Bring everyone.

Bottom line--If you like SOUTH PARK and every irreverant thing that it means, you will like this play. Plus, because it is not on television, there are no censors so they get to curse, full on, about everything.

It had a good message about faith, too, which, during these tough times, is not a bad thing. I felt the clunky turn of story during the entire thing. But I don't like story. Especially ones that have to adhere to Broadway tropes. But business is business and I'm getting older, and I don't want to miss out on any fun along the way. Plus, I read and see so many things, what the hell do I expect these days? Surprises? (I would have liked a couple, actually---but the surprises were all in the humor. Fine. Fine. FINE!)

In the end, there is nothing new under the sun, so you might as well go to things that light up the way you like them.
This one is smart and funny as hell.

And like most things on stage in New York, the level of talent was Jesus-like.

To me, the music is forgettable. But I do like the anthem, I BELIEVE.

If you can get tickets, go. I got them a few months ago at face value. Not great seats, but at least we were in the theater. Sit up in the Mezz.

Or go to your back yard and dig up some tablets and start your own damn religion. Maybe someday, they'll make an award winning money-printing musical about it.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Heard, Again and Again

People of little consequence in New York make fun of LA. They say things like, “Everyone there is so vapid.” Or, “Everyone looks like they’ve had plastic surgery.”
All that silly stuff from a 1970’s Woody Allen movie.

But what do I hear on the streets of New York? And what do I see?

Young people looking very old, sporting their greed hard and furious:

“I told him to sell all the shares!”
“I helped her with her IRA.”
“Like he didn’t know how much it was? I told him.”
“I don’t care which way it goes. We make it on either end.”
“Sell it, Harvey. Sell it!”
“How much is it per square foot?”
“She’ll never make it if she doesn’t tell those fucks off. She just has to take it.”

Why don’t they just rename the island of Manhattan, “MONEYTOWN?”

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Monday, August 15, 2011


All this fighting over the future of the country seems absurd to me. People don’t want to do what they don’t want to do and the middle way is dissatisfying to all, as well as, there does not seem to even BE a middle way.

So why not try this?

Everyone who believes in full-on individual rights, no taxation, strong Christian values and NASCAR, you get to be American-R’s.

And everyone who believes in the collective, strong taxation, a secular society and organic vegetables, you get to be American-D’s.

This is where it does not get tricky.

The R’s get to do EVERYTHING that they want to do how they want to do it.

The D’s get to do EVERYTHING that they want to do how they want to do it.

All you ever need do is state which one you are a member of and your taxationyou’re your healthcare and your food and your culture will be exactly that. An R life or a D life. Let us say, the Red team and the Blue team.

But there will be no color war. We can live with each other, intermingled, anywhere we want to go.

How will it play out?

There will be two forms of laws. Starting with the Constitution and current federal and state laws as they are---we will begin the split. The D legislatures and the R legislatures will pick it up from there. Each group will follow their own laws.

If an R wants to use a D road, they have to pay per mile. If the D wants to use a D road, their tax dollars will take care of it. If an R wants to use an R road, it pays per mile. If a D wants to use an R road, the R’s will keep track and charge the D government. The D government will foot the bill.

A D can pretty much use anything an R has to offer---and vice versa. But how one pays will depend upon new laws. Because this is really all about money, anyway, isn’t it? And allotment of resources?

D’s can charge D people much less for their organic yogurt. R’s will be charged at a higher rate.

D’s will enjoy national D healthcare. R’s can make their choice of which R doctor to use once they get hit by a car.

We did the whole Jim Crow thing, we can certainly do this. Separate, but let’s face it, not equal.

I imagine over time, certain states will just end up D states and others will end up R states. But maybe not.

As far as the military goes, it can be a joint affair, but it will be funded in proportion to the amount of D’s and R’s in the population and the desire of weapons. So, let’s say it is 50-50 out there in D and R American, well, if they agree on what is needed, there will be a 50-50 split in expenses. However, if the R’s want 60% more weaponry than the D’s, they will pay 60% more. Everyone wins. No one has to do what they do not want to do.

A D can work for an R and vice versa, and insist on their rates based on their own government rules. However, a D or an R can refuse to employ. It’s all negotiable.

If the R’s are way into war, let them do it. If the D’s want healthcare for all, let them do it. No one has to carry anyone.

The R’s do NOT want to work with the D’s. So let each run their own governments.

If this is the land of liberty, then let everyone live how they want to live. Let’s stop trying to get along, since we do not.

One country, two systems, interacting. The only thing that need change hands is money. No more fighting. Individuals can negotiate. If things go crappy for an R person, they can seek a church or community organization to help them out. If things go crappy for a D person, they can fill out a form and ask the government to give them money to retool.

Two Prime Ministers. One President.

Every six years, you can change from one group to the other.

Who’s with me?

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Weekend Update


Okay, this rain. I’m not going to make ark references or anything that silly.

I remember as a kid in this area we used to have one of these 3 days of straight rain things once every summer. The rivers flooded. It was good for diving off bridges and floating on inner-tubes in the polluted but conveniently located Ramapo River.

I like record breaking rain. Now, question is---why don’t we keep our rivers clean and then when all this rain happens, we can gather up all this extra water and pipe it down south where they need it? And vice versa?

Or those crazy spring rains in the Midwest. Why is that water not collected and saved for a non-rainy day?

I have what can only be described as a life destroying tooth ache. I think a little root canal is in my near future. Though, pain is interesting. It is awful, but its relief (currently in the form of large quantities of ibuprofen) is something that brings forth gratitude.

These Republicans. Will they endlessly say the same shit until the end of time? Only more so and louder and with more God in it? Did any of them learn anything from Bush’s profligate, destructive ways? WHY ARE THEY COMPLETELY NON-CREATIVE?

Something about the complete decimation of an economy mixed with nothing that great on the horizon is enough to make one take to the gas pipe. But instead, we hole up with friends and family and find what is good and true. Not too much distraction in a society of poverty. Just, kicking those tubers out the ground with raw bloody feet so there is something to eat. Filtering water so it is drinkable. Doing a little bookkeeping to make sure there is enough money for fruit and the occasional visit to other friends. I say, let it get worse. Let it get so bad that people will finally understand that the collective (in education, physical infrastructure and health care, please) is the way to sanity. Friends, these corporations use our country as resource rape and a dumping ground. Rightie friends, why do you believe in them more than in government? I do not understand. (Of course, in China, the government and the business is all the same. They rape and dump, too. Perhaps all power rapes and dumps? Why?)

I bought a plant for my fish. Oxygen is the way to go.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Cheap Life

I bought a goldfish for 39 cents. Her name is Laura. She is feisty. She has not yet learned that I am the one who feeds her. I get near the bowl and she turns violent.

Some fish die quickly. I can tell she is one of those year-long ones.

I would hate to live in a bowl.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Less Tea, More Time

I have changed my vampire ways and I am writing during the day instead of at night. It really is the better way to go. I used to feel rushed all day long to get other things done so I could finally get to the writing, about midnight, with a big cup of Calli Tea next to me. This is not a caffeinated beverage, but it does have some sort of herbal thing going on that speeds you up.

It is interesting to change your time zone. I like it. I see why people are tired at the end of the day. If you do the bulk of your work when it’s light out, by the time it is dark you really want to go to bed.

I never knew that you could get that tired unless you stayed up until 5 AM.

I hope this sticks and works. If not, well, I could try the super early morning thing that some people do…Joking.

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Jungles and Tribes

While walking in the sultry park, I had a thought or two.

First of all, there is something fantastic about a completely humid day when you are surrounded by trees. It feels like the jungle.

And then, I thought about New York. I hate how tribal people are here. And though tribalism may be rampant all over the planet, you really see it in New York because there are so many bodies in the streets---and at events---and in certain neighborhoods, etc.

This separating off, the ego of it, the fear of it----

The good news is—the tribes do not war with each other, they seem, more, to war within their own groups. It’s like they set up a boundary and then, for fun, they beat the shit out of each other. It’s safe game playing?

I don’t know. I hate it.

Monday, August 08, 2011

Questions for the Barrel Wearing Public

At home, we hit a big downgrade in 2009. We survived. It was ugly. For many years, we were kind of smug. It was interesting to go from smug to okay to scared to miserable to okay. I believe it would be enjoyable to watch very wealthy people go through this same process, a sort of trickle-up process. To feel it. To see what stirs in them. So they can make some changes. Do you agree?

I do not wish people unhappiness. I understand that life dollops on plenty without my chanting aid. But I do see the class system as troublesome, especially one as severe as the one here. If you are not too intelligent, a bit depressed or in any way personally disadvantaged, you will never become wealthy. This is no big deal. It shouldn’t be. But it still is. Why?

If you have lost a ton of money in the stock market recently, does it really matter? Don’t you understand that it will return? And if it does not, doesn’t it feel sort of good to anticipate your ability to endure a major correction? Wouldn’t it build your confidence?

Is it possible that S&P’s downgrade is more of a political move than anything else, that its intent is to destabilize in order to gain an advantage?

As the very mathy, wealthy people play games with money, and I would include myself in this group if I were truly wealthy, isn’t it sort of sad that their only concern is for themselves and not for the state of the nation within which they live?

Why do people think they are not being controlled by an entity? Why do they hate the government? In absence of strong government you get strong individuals who destroy the economy. Why is this scenario preferable to some people? Why do they search out this anguish? Why are they deluded that they are going to be rich one day? Why do they believe that less government means they are “free”?

Does the two party system seem like a bad sporting event to you? Our yes-no brains seem to like simple team sports---one bunch squarely pitted against another. If you had the awareness that our society is set up like a game---but that the rewards of game playing are short lived and not necessarily good for the larger picture of survival—would you give up the addiction-dopamine rush for something calmer and quieter that supported you better?

Why do people say things like, “Look at the post office!” when they want to denigrate the government. The post office works. Just fine. Always has. Any real problems with the post office?

If you hate anything collective, have you ever asked yourself why? What bothers you about sharing? Why does it feel unfair to you? Do you think it is unfair that someone shares a road with you even though they pay less taxes than you? Why are you not incensed about this? Yet you hate to think that any of your money is going to the health of someone paying less tax than you pay. Do you think people who make less money than you should die sooner?

Most people who own a computer and can read are very lucky. Is that enough?

Sunday, August 07, 2011

Monkey Movies for the Young and Unemployed

There we were on West 34th Street, and what we needed was a miracle.

Something about these franchise movies that are very difficult to sit through. They are made for kids to like and for adults who are kind of like kids. John Lithgow, the dad, has dementia. James Franco is looking for a cure. Instead, he, you know, oh I can’t even type it. (James Franco better lay off the bananas if he wants to keep his jaw line and me.) The movie was not visually great. It looked like a game. The digital apes looked like digital apes.

The story, well---you know, it was a prequel. And prequels have their troubles. Slow. You know where it’s heading. So why sit through the whole thing?

I guess this---I guess you just have to like “other worlds” and you have to not care about the story---you’re just so happy to be out of your dull or unhappy life and in the lives of something else. You don’t have a job, but you can afford a movie ticket and you’ll take what they throw at you because you need escape.

Besides the horrendous use of hackneyed dialog and the misuse of the poor girlfriend actress from Slumdog Millionaire (and I won’t even look up her name---because, you see, by doing this movie she has completely disappeared)--—there was this general cut and paste from all movies ever made. I guess there are only so many ways you can make a chimp rise up.

But I liked something very much. The smart Caesar, future leader of all ape-kind, had morals and integrity. He did not like greed, aggression, stupidity and being locked in a cage. He wanted to be free, in nature. So, something about getting back to the arboreal was what this was all about. The natural state. Less glory, more balance. Nice.

But friends…I was bored. If I were James Franco, I would have taken the gig. It’s going to be a lot of movies for a lot of money. Then, he can do what he really wants---live with me in a little castle off the coast of Spain, like a couple of hairless primates doing what comes naturally.

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Stocks Down, Be Happy

I remember back when the NASDAQ was out of control, racing high, standing with a friend in Times Square who was watching the electric ticker tape going by---and that friend said, truly, “It can only keep going up. This is the new paradigm. The market will only go in this direction.”

There was such a mania. It was the Clinton years. People were fat with high portfolios. Even in NASDAQ. And my friend, and other people, honestly thought growth would never end.


It’s like a child thinking cupcakes, mountains of them, will forever be brought to the bedroom by some tireless mother-baker-giver.

It isn’t possible.

But here is the good news (on the bad). I was talking to a doctor today---and he had the glum words on his mouth about how everyone is going to be wiped out. Now.

And I thought, again,


It’s like children who fear that cupcakes are over, the oven used to make them is now burning down the house and mommy and daddy are fried in the blaze.

Possible? Yes. But we already had a huge blow out less than a hundred years ago. (And it did bounce back eventually.)

TEACHING now---ECONOMICS 101: What goes up, comes down. And vice versa.

This will never change. It reacts to the tides. These tides are about 17 years long. Some say 14 years. Some say 11. Some say they don’t know. Whatever---that’s the fun of the stock market. You don’t know.

But there is no such thing as the never ending vector in one direction.

Can we all agree?

Now go eat some fat free yogurt.

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Anything Goes

For my birthday we went to see ANYTHING GOES. With Sutton Foster.

Look, I’m a big Sutton fan. Not many people can do what she can do---and with such ease.

I’m all for her.

The show is so silly and dated and I wonder how these kinds of things are still in our culture. But who am I to ask?

Big dance numbers, all that. This New York is loaded with crazy ass musical theater talent. And gay men in sailor suits dancing around pretending to be hot for pussy. But hell---we go with the convention.

I say dispense with the creaky old stories and just do full on musical theater stuff. Why not? Who’s writing the new musicals with dancing that’s not a throw-back but some sort of new, vital thing? Anyone? And it’s fun?

But back to Cole Porter. Look---that closeted so-and-so could really write a song. The syncopation. The swinging tight chords. So worth it. Even sitting through silly bits that were tiresome in the first act, it was worth it.

I say go for it. It isn’t perfect. But what is? My ass? No.

Start spreading the news---New York, New York…

Get on the boat.

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Less Vampire Action

Today is, you know, my birthday. And though people make New Year’s resolutions, I usually make some sort of mini-switch on my birthday.

So this is the new idea---write during the day instead of at night. When I say day, I mean the afternoon.

I can do it.


Monday, August 01, 2011

Oh Bummer

Vote for extremists, you get extremist behavior.

I don’t understand this Tea Party. And I am upset because I drink a lot of tea and resent the moniker.

Obama? Oh Bummer. I say---you should have called their bluff. Default would have been interesting. But you played wise-daddy. I guess when feral children are pissing all over the furniture, you just have to bring out the paper towels, clean up the mess. Eventually, they’ll leave home. A relief.

My whole response to this thing? I bought a goldfish for 39 cents, setting up the scene for good luck to arrive.

I know what the Righties want in order to save the economy. A big war. But wait---new paradigm! Wars are bankrupting. Learn something, please. Please. Or just, start your own country. Gladly give you the states we don’t want. Bye.

It Isn't Bambi or Anything

The hoofed rabbits of North everything in sight, on display this time, one eats apples.