Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Listen Up, Hypochondriacs

This is your leader speaking.

If you ever suffer the misfortune of various types of ringing in your ears, concomitant with pain and hearing loss and you know, FOR A FACT, that you finally got the Eustachian Tube Cancer that you deserve, go to the doctor and let them take a syringe to your ear. You will not only be amazed at how quickly you can be healed but you will also get to examine the visual delight in the hot water catch-bowl: a livery plug so brown, nasty and animalistic, you'll adore your bio-bag for making something so ugly. I love the grotesque, as long as it's on the way to the medical incinerator.

Such a ritual of my childhood, I thought I would never again experience something as simple as an ear syringe for the clearing of the ear canal. Isn't it great when the death knell of ear ringing turns out to be nothing more than the tinkling of waxy buildup, something mechanical that a doctor can fix for ten bucks?

I'm not dying. Neither are you. Let's all get back to work.


*9

2 comments:

Dan said...

I've always loved the Cochlea. I made a paper mache inner ear in the sixth grade.

megan said...

Speak for yourself, I never thought the ringing in my ear was a sign that I was dying. Everyone knows it's my brain tumor.