Monday, March 14, 2005

Thinking of Drinking

Dear Donny,

I am married to a very loyal man. We have two daughters, both beautiful and college educated. I should be so happy. My husband once had a drinking problem, but that was over ten years ago. I demanded that he stop drinking and now, he is completely sober and has a VERY strong relationship with God. I used to be very upset about his drinking and I am so happy he stopped. It saved our marriage. But now, I don't know, I think he might have become a kind of righteous, sober monster. He used to be fun, cute and a bit of a failure, but the only people he was hurting were me and my daughters, which of course, was very painful.

But now that he is sober, Donny, he is hurting so many more people. You see, he has a very big job as the head of a large government. I would say, in my humble estimation, probably the strongest government the world has ever known. But I'm just a woman, so I don't know if my opinion can be taken too seriously. And in my hunsband's VERY strong relationship with God, he seems to use this closeness like a righteous addiction to do whatever he wants. He already marched into a country, let's call it Oilland, killed a whole load of people, and sort of took it over. Now, I see he might want to grab a couple of the neighbors, killing as he goes. And I don't even think it's about Realpolitik, because they don't even have anything we want! They just don't think like him! At night, while he's asleep, I can hear him talking in his sleep. You don't want to know the things he says! And he smiles the whole time. I think he loves the idea of killing more people!

I feel so guilty. I think my demanding that he stop drinking years ago has set all this in motion. If he kept drinking, he wouldn't have gotten such a good job and he couldn't have been so righteous and become such a God freak. (Sometimes, he's so close to God, I get jealous, I do!) This is just my opinion, but again, I'm only a woman. I'm really thinking of getting him to start drinking again for the good of the world. Should I do it, Donny? I'll do whatever you tell me, because that's the kind of woman I am.

Just call me,

Dear L,

You really are between a rock and an oil field. This is not such a tricky question and I think I can help you. First, I would try to get him into counseling. He may just need to face his overwhelming inner rage. Perhaps he didn't feel powerful in his family of birth. Did he have extremely demanding parents who barely cared about who he really was? This could be the root of the trouble. But let's face it, counseling takes quite a bit of time and you seem to be in an emergency situation.

Your husband, sounds to me, like he's a bully and a world class bully at that. School yards are full of them. They should not be in positions of power. Especially when they are both bullies and addicts. Often, when people stop drinking, they can become addicted to their rage. In AA meetings, they often refer to these bullies as dry drunks. This rage is the fuel for mayhem. Also, your husband, with his clear view of his mortality since he put down the bottle, may have become very fearful of his fate, the fate that we all share: becoming a corpse. Most addicts fear death more than other people do. Addicts are children who can't face the truth. Death outrages them. To deal with this fear, they unconsiously want to face it, if not in themselves, then, at least in others. So they kill. They especially kill those who think differently than they do. They feel that this kind of killing is righteous and for the betterment of mankind. This is because rageful, dry drunk bullies can only see the world as an extension of themselves. Poor things. So they kill in order to feel better. And when someone like your husband kills, he gets to face his own fear of death, while at the same time, cleaning up the world of the wretched souls who have not been saved like he has been saved. Of course, this will not change his fears or increase his sense of security. At the end of the day, the only thing that has increased is the body count.

Now, if you say that your husband wields a lot of power, and it sounds to me like he does, I would immediately take action. Tap into your guilt and use it for the good of all. Go to the store, today, and buy your husband's favorite old timey alcohol. Dab some behind your ears tonight before dinner. Invite some of his old drinking buddies over. Make sure you've brought in their favorite booze, too. If your daughters like to drink, and often the children of drunks do, get them in on the party, too. If your husband sees what you are concocting and retreats to the Bible, gently let him know how God really has saved him and assure him that he can have just one drink. Let him know how much fun it would be, how it would relax him and how sexy you think he is when he's a bit crocked. If you love humanity, you just have to do whatever you can, even lie, to get that one drink down his gullet.

That is all you need to do. The rest will take care of itself. As the old AA saying goes, "One drink is too many and one is never enough." Good luck, L. Always listen to your guilt. And get the party started. You can probably save the world through this simple action. Once his warring ways are mollified and his career is destroyed by the bottle, you can do the deed you should have done so many years ago. You can divorce him.

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