Call Me Corny

Wagging their fingers at innocent Iowa farmers, there are actually accusers out there who say the push for corn as the carbon-based alternative for our desperate dependency on foreign oil is nothing more than the corn lobby trying to make more money.

I imagine the finger waggers are probably just oil people trying to make more money.

What always surprises me is that at the end of the day, these fights always come down to making money. Fighting for cash is fun and all, but what about the terribly interesting idea of a very controlled energy policy that actually works? Why the greedy banter when people are dying in an un-winnable war? I hate to get all pacifist, but...

If I have to choose between the money going to the House of Saud/Mess-O-Potamia or the Hawkeye State, I’m all for the Iowa farmers. I’ve been to Iowa once, for about thirty minutes, and it seems to me that the place could use a pick-me-up.

So, let’s get going with this corn! Plastic. Ethanol. Halter tops. Whatever!

And let’s do some simple math:

1) How much corn in bushels can we grow in this country...realistically, using just the water that falls here naturally? Let’s call these bushels b.

2) Using corn as the main source of fuel, how many bushels of corn does a person need to live the average sloppy American life? Let’s call this a.

Let’s then divide: b/a=N. N equals the number of Americans that should be allowed to live the average sloppy American life.

We, as a population, must commit to and never exceed the number N.

My guess? If we keep to this formula, heeding the limit of N, there’s going to be a hell more load of corn than people in this country. It will be so much cleaner and quieter. AND, we can leave the middle East in peace so they can flop to the ground five times a day in supplication to Allah. It's their choice. Look at Iran. Let them have it.

Population Pressure=War.

Keep it down to N. Go get your Fallopian tubes/Vas Deferens tied.

And Vote for Corn.



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