Monday, May 15, 2006

The Efficiency Party

In the near future will be a presidential election. Even though we have a Constitution that divides things up, it is very apparent that people are animals and behave according to a pecking order with the president as head rooster. It’s disgusting, but then, so are chicken livers.

The president, as we have all witnessed much to our sadness, sets the tone for the country. What I love about our Constitution today, more than anything else, is that GWB cannot stay in the White House after January of 2009.

Lucky us.

After he goes back to hell, wouldn’t it be great to have a Democratic President? Sure, I’d accept a sane, Moderate Republican president, if it comes to that. But another Billy C. would be wonderful.
And since the Democrats cannot only stay on message, but can’t even find one, I suggest this: THE EFFICIENCY PARTY.

The Republicans have been THE RIGHTEOUS PARTY. And no matter what, they stay on message. They are right. End of story. It’s all a moral prerogative. They never answer opposition because they are always right. It’s actually a brilliant scheme. It is totally dismissive and moronic, but since people are sheep, this act of shepherd-hubris wins the days.

A strong Democratic leader could do the same thing. However, (s)he could choose a real approach that is germane to today’s real problems. The Democratic Party can be the PARTY OF EFFICIENCY. (Or pick a better synonym.) And in this global market, BOTH SIDES can’t help but love the idea of efficiency. Being efficient will make us lean. It will make us more competitive. And, it will make us cleaner, calmer, happier and richer. And everyone can get their brains around the very rational bottom line. No matter what anyone ever asks, the Democratic leader will have ironclad answers. The simplistic mantra of constant efficiency will always be the answer. Imagine this:

1. The government provides universal health coverage, because it is the most efficient use of tax dollars per person and will save everyone money on health care.

2. The government raises the minimum wage according to a respectable standard of living because then, workers will be able to make more efficient use of their time.

3. A national fund for the development of alternative fuels is in place because this will be the most efficient use of citizens’ tax dollars and will save money not only in the long run, but in the short run. And, it will remove us from the perils of dealing with corrupt, oil rich nations.

4. The Death Penalty is illegal, because this is the most efficient use of the nation’s tax dollars which, in the past, was wasted on appeals in such cases.

5. There is a national fund for campaigning. Tax dollars will be used efficiently in fair elections. Americans will not have to spend enormous sums to corporations in the hidden fees of retail in order to pay for corporate lobbyists.

6. All National Parks are to be forever protected. This is the most efficient use of these spaces as it will always be clear what their use is for and tax dollars will not be wasted in law suits to protect them. They will always be protected.

7. All preemptive war is illegal. Tax dollars should not be wasted on a hunch.

8. All people who work in this country right now are legal citizens. This will efficiently expedite their being part of this nation and so they can operate as legal citizens. No more wasted money on reforms. The borders will then be patrolled. And, we will put political force upon Mexico to normalize the terrible class discrepancies in their country.

9. We will normalize the terrible class discrepancies in this country. CEO’s and other top executives of large companies must have salary, bonus, exit fee and stock option caps. It is inefficient for a society to endlessly kick upward to a corporate goon.

10. Public transportation will be the number one national budgetary item. This will provide the most efficient use of resources and will efficiently improve the moods of Americans as they are able to enjoy the company of their fellow travelers.


Everyone appreciates the efficient use of time, resources, money and land. If you like the idea of efficiency, spread it around. We, as Democrats, need to do our part to help the leaders with their message. And since we ARE Democrats, what better place for the message to come from: us.

4 comments:

RebeccaW said...

Don, this is quite brilliant.

george said...

Your ideas breathe new life into my hopes for our country.

If you would like more fuel for this fire, go to robertreich.blogspot.com

I'm going to suggest his readers check out your May 15th blog.

The Shadow said...

This is not new! All of this has been tried before, to wit....The Soviet Union, Nazi Germany and Japan and currently Red China.

Redistribution of wealth....your are nuts!

Holly Sheppard said...

FUCK YEAH MAN!!!!! WHEN I WAS READING THIS I HEARD A QUIET CHANT. IT WAS HYPNOTICALLY SHOUTING DONALD! DONALD! DONALD!
EXTRA SHOUT TO IDEA #1,#6, #8, #10, OH AND #3 AND #4!