Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Pedaling Against the Spiders

If it’s global warming, so be it. Let people die as they must for the culture to be shocked into understanding what we have done to the earth.

People only understand pain.

Los Angeles has become humid. This is very strange, indeed. And this change of climate has produced so many pests. When you sit in the backyard, you get eaten by mosquitoes. Huge cockroaches come into the house in search of a cooler place to be disgusting. Tiny gnats die in the dog’s water bowl. The refrigerator has dead gnats along the top inside edge of the door, above the butter dish.

But what is the most disturbing is when you have to walk the dog. Spider webs across the sidewalk. It’s like something out of a scary ride in a bad carnival in the 1970’s. Every twenty feet, that sticky little string plants itself on your forehead. And all you can do is wipe.

I’m no arachnophobe, but I don’t like that feeling of spider webs on my face. This is my pain. For my part to combat global warming, I only use my car once each week. I blog about energy use and subways. I close the curtains in the middle of the day so the sun doesn’t turn my tiny bungalow into a solarium. Of course, I could do more, like figure out how to split the water molecule into Oxygen and Hydrogen gas without using any energy except for maybe what I can produce by pedaling a stationary bike. Wait, that’s it.

So, soon, I will be setting up gyms where you can split water. Please join one. It will be called The Hydro-Gym. And then, once all of our fat asses are back in shape and the earth starts cooling down again, then maybe I can walk the dog without that miserable thwack of spider silk sticking to my greasy brow.

3 comments:

HelenBach said...

Love it. I'm in. Suggestion though: can we call it Water World?

RebeccaW said...

It was 103 in Baltimore yesterday. I turned on the ac for the first time this year. It was as much for the cats as for me. I hate the stuff. I'm with you - bring it ON.

thelastnoel said...

I wonder what it takes for people to know that this global warming thing is not a mere theory? 2020's John Stossel was a person who said don't worry abuot the heat.