Friday, July 14, 2006

What the Hezbollah is Going On?

I mentioned the Israeli who sat next to me on the plane from San Francisco to New York. We talked about the house he was building, using Palestinian labor (“Because it’s so cheap, what other choice do I have?"), where he and his wife and four children will live very close to the future “wall” that is being built around Israel. It was clear to me that his Zionist ass is never going to leave Israel. He is one of many.

So, you just have to say to these Hezbollah-Hamas-Godzilla people, “The Jews ain’t leaving. Go home, eat your chick peas and thank Allah for whatever dust patch you have.”

These people.

In the early 1970’s, while attending the primarily Jewish public school, Bluefield Elementary (which is now a private Yeshiva for Hasidic offspring), sharp girls like Janet Diatlo and Julie Fishkin would give oral reports on the many wars of Israel. 1967, the ones in the 1970’s, on and on. And there was this reverence in their Ashkenazi miens. Their suburban parents taught them to have a strong melancholy sentimentality for their homeland...stronger than anything the Irish or the Italians had naturally, even though the Irish and Italians actually did come from Ireland and Italy. I sort of felt bad for these girls. They didn’t look quite convinced about their connected love of the homeland, but they acted all dewy and caring. They were filled with passion and confusion at once. But it was clear: they were going to obey the cult of Zionism. And, they were going to feel all tingly because they, too, had an “old country”. Note: The Jewish boys were too busy talking about boners to have any sort of idea of what Israel meant to them. Except for maybe Jerome.

The indoctrination of these post WWII minds, of the adults and the female children, was complete. This land was theirs. They felt it in their hearts. They taught it to their daughters. These daughters will become mothers and so the perpetual machine has been invented.

Now, I don’t give a flying matzo who lives there. You can have that strip of sand surrounded by angry lunatics. And I think we can all agree, these Israelis really did have a rough couple of thousand years. They have been pogrommed for eons, and they have an enormous need and they are never leaving.
And these Arabs---some hate that the Jews are there, but some actually don’t care. So, the Israelis, with their greater absolute value in caring, will always prevail. Especially with all of our American money. And frankly, I’m all for the state of Israel, if for no other reason than when all the Jews return to the homeland, all the Right-Wing Christians get to have their Rapture. What a party!

But until the Rapture, I do think this: The Israelis need to push the Palestinians out of their country and then completely close and militarize their borders. And they need to cease using the Palestinians for cheap labor. Because frankly, no matter what the nice Arab worker says to you while he’s hammering nails into the two by fours that are the skeleton of your new three-thousand square foot house right next to his olive grove, as soon as you turn your back, he’s going to call you a dirty Jew.

Oh you Jews, stop giving them work. Stop thinking you will ever get along. Even though you fled Germany as if there was a Holocaust going on there (oh, right, there was) it doesn’t mean you can’t learn a thing or two from the Germans: Hire Turks to do your dirty work.

You will never get along.
Stop mixing economically.
Build that wall.
And have your peace.
I've been listening to this crap since 1967. I'm bored.

Adonai help them all.


RebeccaW said...

Like, SO tired of hearing about it! And so unwilling to launch WWIII for this silliness. The last attack I heard about they had tunneled under the wall. And this was after Israel just gave them Gaza. I kind of have some empathy for both sides, politically. But not for the barbaric violence and certainly not for any silly religious claims that people deserve that patch of desert because GOD gave it to them. Pahleeeze! Not that I'm in any position to judge, since my ancestors basically stole Maryland from the Indians.

Jeff said...

I say we turn the area from the Mediterranean Sea to the Ganges River over to the Walt Disney Corporation to build the world's largest theme park. One section of it could be called "Holyland," where they can rebuild the temple with rollercoaster going through it, a waterslide through the river Jordan, and a decorative Crusader Castle for "Sleeping Mary Magdalene" who can only be awoken by the returning Jesus. Talk about synergry, the movie based on that writes itself (I am seeing another Bradgelina vehicle here), with action figures and an animated cartoon to follow.

Further east we turn Saudia Arabia into the largest NASCAR track in the world called Haj Highway. The gas is already there.

Iran and Iraq are united (thanks to our president, that is almost done anyway) and renamed "Jihad Junction," where Abrahamic religious people of all persuasions can have the world's largest paintball game with teams divided up by sect. Up in the hills we build a pagan hunting ground where lovers of the word of the god of all persuasions can hunt heathen with live ammunition.

I am not sure yet what do do with Afganistand and Pakistan. Maybe "Mickey's Nomanic Adventure," where children of all ages can pretend they are in a conquering horde bent on meaningless destruction. Here again the locals can staff it without any training. And there is plenty of opium for parents who need to wind down after a long day with the little barbarians. I am just thinking out loud here, and welcome any suggestions.

As our president has taught us, the world loves it when we force ourselves on them. We just need to build on our current success and start thinking big.

Dan said...

I think in his gainfully unemployed, kitten-induced euphoria, Kaufman the Younger could be on to something. America does simulacrum better than anyone else (I once spent three tedious hours at a 1:1 scale mock-up of a pirate cove in Devon, complete with rusting rusty sailors) and we certainly are better at it than post-cold war nation building.

Mr. H.K. said...

Bob Shieffer asked today on Face the Nation, "What ever happened to American diplomacy?"

HelenBach said...

I'm all for the Disney idea. The big quesiton for me is: "As an American vistor to the Park, how will I be treated? Perhaps Americans get armored vehicles that have to navigate through mine field and suicide bomber targets?"
Also, can we have a ride specifically focussing on beheadings?

Jeff said...

Will you marry me, Helenbach? Your ideas are excellent. Instead of Autopia we have "Armortopia," where you drive around a track decorated with exploding buildings and body parts. Just like today's army, you will have to bring your own armor.

We can also build a "Suicide Bombers of the Mediterranean," where you stroll along a street with animatronic rosy-cheeked terrorists singing "Yo ho, yo ho, a martyrs death for me" and "live men get no virgins." For kids we have an area where they can learn about anatomy by reassembling body parts from a bombing: "Hey mom, I found a spleen!"