Thursday, September 30, 2010

Buy This Apartment for a Friend!

Loveliest Apartment in Queens for Sale

You guys--it's a great first timer or part timer apartment. A bit of a hike to the subway, otherwise, it's brill!

Pass it on.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

More Specifically Why I Love Anderson Cooper

Click the CNN link below.

Anderson Cooper is on it.

You know, I think I had sex with Andrew Shirvell the last time I was in Michigan…
Or was that an alien badger on Risperdal?

Who ARE these avowed Christians? I have to say, and I am not being facetious, I almost feel bad for these crazy people. It’s like something happened to them. They are traumatized. And there needs to be something WRONG in the world for them to send their trauma energy. See how separate he is from himself? He’s like a creature with the same DNA as a person, but rearranged. He’s on his way to becoming some other species.

Why doesn’t he use the part of his brain that needs something to be wrong to focus on something that really is wrong? Like rape. That’s wrong. Or murder. Wrong again. Or poverty, lack of affordable healthcare, or zebra on donkey abuse?

Anderson, of course, is gay (and my soon-to-be manfriend, as we all know). He held up the offense very well. He was on the attack in a beautiful way. Of course Anderson has an agenda. To impress me into taking his calls.

I think even Sarah Palin would watch that clip and agree with Anderson. If she could speak English, she would probably tell us so!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Wet Like a Rain Forest

It feels like the rain forest of Hawaii in New York City. Or the Olympic Peninsula of Washington State.

You know, writing about the weather is probably not such an interesting thing to do.

On the other hand, one does get wet and greasy.

I do not remember it being like this growing up on the East Coast, but then again, I was not living right in New York City (which is naturally a beaver and snapping turtle swamp) and I was not lugging around the weight I must lug now.

Kids slice through weather more readily. Adults sort of have it just stick to them. It is one of the disadvantages of age.

Extremely moist weather is, quite simply, a bummer. On the other hand, the sinuses are grateful.

I am, too. And when the big storm blows through on Thursday, a dry cooling will follow. Thank goodness.

Which means it will be time to talk about taxes. Friends---let’s be generous. It won’t kill us to be a little more collective.

Monday, September 27, 2010

The Hunt--NYC

We have had our Eureka moment. It happened Friday night while eating burgers in World Wide Plaza, that democratic space filled with revelers.

We are selling the Queens apartment and moving into Manhattan. So we shall rent.

We figured, Let’s go to the new big rental towers that are swankola and see if we would like them.


First, we went to Ohm. Their sales pitch is There’s No Place like Ohm.

I immediately found the place overwhelming. It was like a huge hotel with hanging sky lobbies and purple up-lighting. The apartments were kind of cool with the floor to ceiling windows that make you feel like you have lots of space. Nice kitchens. And very spare. The views were mostly of the NJ transit railway yard which is actually kind of great. But also, the Hudson River and the metropolis.

And it has a gym, etc. etc. The apartments are overpriced because you are paying for the marketing. A very well dressed, very tall, very handsome black guy showed us around. Why do some people get to be so slim?

Adam, my Recognized-by-the-State-of-California-Domestic-Partner, was very direct with the questions. I was sort of hemming and hawing and getting confused. I think it was my reaction to not wanting to live there. When it was all over, Adam pointed out that the place is marketed to Singles. It’s the Club Med of Northern Chelsea! Can you imagine living there? It was an Austin Powers joke.


We went to another tower. 505 w 37. This one mostly had views of the feeder streets into the Lincoln Tunnel. The apartments were better than the ones at Ohm, but more expensive. But horrendously, like Ohm, only two tiny closets. Their roof deck had 360 degree views of New York City. Unreal.

The woman who showed us around wore a purple scarfy-pashmina thing, had a name that started with the letter V that I could not pronounce, was clearly from Russia and was a complete bitch. I made the leap that Russian mob money financed this tower and that this tart was guaranteed a job. I think she looked at us in our t-shirts and mall walker sneakers and found us to be grotesques. I looked at her and couldn’t believe how condescending she was. She kept taunting us saying, “And how much do you want to spend? What’s your maximum?” And then laughing at us derisively when we fell short of what she knew to be the current rents.

I wanted to throw her off a balcony.

Needless to say, we will not be living in either of these places. But it is fun to start hunting around.

Queens is so sweet. And there are so many trees. But our little apartment is too little to live in any longer. I love the non-pretention of the people here. It is a high immigrant density borough. And these people work like complete dogs and with a smile. They are true heroes on earth. And my heart is large and wide for them.

But to have to zip in and out of Manhattan on clackety-clack subways every time you have an appointment, it gets old, especially since our apartment is a solid fifteen minute walk from the subway.

So, onward!

I will occasionally write about this.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

French-English Love

When I was a child I took for evidence that since France and England (yes, England) were our allies in WWII, that they had been friends forever.

Of course later on I learned they engaged in centuries of bloody wars.

But is it possible that this is how they got to know each other so well? Furthermore, is war, in some perverse way, how men develop intimacy?

And could we be developing intimacy with the Islamic world by being at war with them?

Could war be, in fact, an act of love?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

In the Bush in NYC

Everyone who comes to New York was shot out of a cannon.

I would rather not be flying so fast.

I took this long walk tonight in my neighborhood. Luckily or not, I live in Queens and my neighborhood has these huge sycamore trees everywhere. It’s a sycamore forest. And this is very appealing.

I like to do one of those walking meditations when you walk super slow and just try to notice everything around you. I mostly notice the trees. I look at doors, too. Trees, mostly, then doors. Sometimes, I catch a window or a bush.

There is something to be said for living in a place that has an enormous amount of trees.

We are arboreal, after all.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Obama's Sleeves

I wonder what Obama is going to pull out of his sleeve. He needs to do it soon. Not just because of the upcoming elections, but because people need things to change.

Now---it could be perfect for him. Things might simply swing around during the next year and by the next presidential election, voilá pour lui.

Mais, maintenant?

Okay, enough with the French. And I like France. I like the easy healthcare and the free tuition. I benefited from it once upon a time.

If there were enough people in this country, if the percentage was high enough, we could have the easy free healthcare and the easy free college tuition. Wouldn’t that be great?

Is Obama, on some level, happy to let things get bad enough economically so that people will ultimately be screaming for more government intervention?

Just asking.

And I would be fine with more government. But just as Bushface lied about W.M.D., I do not want to be lied to about the larger economic plan of this administration. Not that I’m a conspiracy theorist, mind you.

Now, President B. O. might simply understand that what smells bad today will easily clear out for fresher, richer days ahead. And he is just smiling, with that winning smile, waiting for the natural tide to turn. I hope so.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

The End

I am almost finished with this screenplay I have been writing for the wonderful guys who made the movie E______.

I love it and I am so ready to get the hell out of this chair! My lower back, all of it!

I do get up and walk around, but clearly, not enough.

This is a saying I’ve heard about creating something:

“You never really finish. You just abandon it.”

So, I am ready to abandon it, soon enough.

Like mothers from Sloatsburg, NY who can’t wait for their children to go off to college so they can get their nails done in peace, I, too, would like my screenplay to go off to some place better so I can beautify.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

You Say Tornaydo

Today was a day when you realize people are a “learning species.”

My apartment windows in Queens all face due west, so I have this fun view of Northwestern Queens overlooking trees, onto the upper East Side of Manhattan. So I see all the storms coming in from the West.

Today was no exception. There was a very dark line heading toward me. I could also see where the white line was past that. Looked like a squall. Thunder and lightning were in the distance. But it all sounded so far away and I thought, “This is one of those storms that is going to pass right by. I can hear it but I’ll never see it. It’s probably up in the Bronx.”

Where did I learn this? In California, where storms just pass right over and most likely go dump their wrath up in the mountains. I thought this was the same thing. Based on just the thinnest similarity. Bad monkey!

So I put on my shorts and headed out to the gym. Still, nothing much, thunder in the distance, then a few rain drops. So I just kept walking.

Alas, some sort of tornado thing came through and a huge bolt of lightning struck and was followed by thunder almost instantaneously. I thought I was hit. I guess I was not. But I still haven’t felt right since. (Probably got psychically shaken.) It was so strong and I’ve never been that close before.

I hid out on the edge of a building when the rain and wind became ferocious. Not enough protection, so I ran around the corner and stood in front of another building’s entryway. A man and his son were there, too. The little boy was screaming and crying. It really was a nutty situation.

Then it passed. And I went to the gym.

I think the trajectory was this: Park Slope, Bushwick, Glendale-Ridgewood Queens, Middle Village, Flushing, Great Neck. At least, that was most likely the exact center of it. But Jackson Heights is triangled right into Middle Village and Flushing. It was pretty scary and strange.

I’ve never been in a tornado before. And though this was not the classic thin funnel cloud, it was definitely a tornado. A fat one. Strange. Did not like it at all. And once I read about this stuff online, they say if you hear thunder, stay indoors until you don’t hear it any longer for at least thirty minutes.

“Dorothy, I don’t think you’re in California anymore.”

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Not to Be All Eugenixy...

This is what gets me. Why is genetic difference considered a bad thing? Apparently, human beings who hail from Europe and Asia have anywhere between one and four percent Neanderthal DNA (the Cro-Magnons mated with them, true) but people of pure African blood have none of this. So let’s face it, there’s a genetic difference. If this is true, and it seems to be so, then Africans who have never left Africa share between 96% and 99% of the human genome with everyone else on earth.

Women and men have one chromosomal difference. The XX and XY. So of the forty-six chromosomes we each carry, well, one of them is always a Y in men and woman do not have this at all. That’s pretty different.

So forget equality for a second…I think reasonable people can assume there are genetic differences, some pretty major ones, between at least full-on Africans and Euro-Asians, and between men and women.

How this could not make differences in people is beyond Biological reality.

But let’s face it! Who cares! It does not mean anyone is better or worse than anyone else. It just means there are differences. Why are people so obsessed with saying that everyone is the same? I say, let’s enjoy our chromosomal varietals and have a big celebration and really find out exactly what the differences are and maximize the fun of all that.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Hillary: Good Luck!

When I was a lad, I lived for a bit of time in Spring Valley, New York, in an area called Hillcrest which was predominantly Jewish and is now predominantly Orthodox Hasidic Jewish.

My family was DNA Catholic, and by no means religious. Basically, we were suburban existentialists with a soupcon of greedy arriviste tendencies. So when D., in my class, got up to do her report on the Israeli wars of the 60’s and 70’s, and she had such a reverent sadness about her, I could only wonder, “Why is this Israel situation so insane? I hate war. And why is this girl, who is my age, already consumed with some sort of righteous purpose to claim its essential existence?”

Furthermore, I had no idea there had already been so many wars. Her report was enlightening. She was very upset by all of it…but even at a young age, I could tell she was merely parroting her parents. Had she been born into a Muslim family, she would have been parroting that stuff, too. It was clear to me.

Well, on a positive note, there are fewer wars in those parts. And people who live there are truly sick of it. So maybe Hillary Clinton can help shepherd in a two-state promise. If she does, I’ll eat hummus every day for a year. (I hate hummus.)

But I always end up with the same question, and I know the answer, but I have to ask it anyway. Why doesn’t Israel just give that damn West Bank to Jordan with a thin road over to Gaza, hand that off, too---and be done with it? (Come on Jordanians and Palestinians, surely YOU can all hang together? Oh, that’s right. The answer is no.)

What a mess-world. I’ve been listening to it since that oral report in grade school by somber D.

(And years later, I would have a reoccurring dream that she lifts up her plaid skirt to reveal man bits. What could that mean? Additionally, it almost always took place in the middle seat of the beige station wagon of my youth. I was in the way back.)

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Welcome to Iceland!

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Monday, September 13, 2010


I am happy to share my happiness about having visited Iceland.

It’s a world in reverse. The air is cold but you go swimming in heated rivers and pools.

The people are lovely and beautiful, but also insular and somewhat dorky.
(There’s nothing more fun than watching an Icelandic guy laugh---while his soul resists it—so the herking and jerking of the body gets a full work out.)

The food is horrendous outside of the capitol, but inside city limits, it’s pretty great.

Iceland is a cold Hawaii. It’s a volcanic experience.

Saw the big scar of the huge volcano that delayed the planes.

Notice how I am not typing anything in the language of Iceland?

What is fun is they have a few letters in their alphabet that we don’t have. A strange looking “p” that sounds like the th of thick. And a curled up “d” with a little tail that sounds like the th in the. And a bunch of vowel things. Of course, when you see something that looks like Porsmork---you call it Porsmork (or Porsmindy) or in my final naming, Porksmear. But really, it sounds something like Thorsmurk.

There is so much beauty in Iceland, you just cannot believe it.

The people are sturdy, extremely egalitarian, but also a bit superior in their attitude of their country (not so much their culture).

Their water is, truly, the best I’ve ever tasted.

Sometimes there, you see someone who is so attractive, you just cannot believe it. Like a driver or a cashier or anything at all. Shocking.

Sheep. Lots of sheep.

Iceland has the highest literacy rate of any country on earth: 100%.

Also, the longest life expectancy.

The flight is shorter than any other flight to Europe, but it’s still longish, much of it over Canada.

Reykjavik is a young town. If you are olderish, hang out at Café Rosenberg. Great music.

I also suggest the 1PM daily, free walking tour that meets near the main Info booth.

I love the holes and vents and gurgling mud and spitting water and all that. Makes me happy to know that our planet is still fuming.

Spending hours in a huge lake of hot water is always a great time. It is so relaxing. Can’t wait to return.

Really, go. You must.

I'd Corrugate, Too

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P(Th)ingviller: Where North America and Europe are Separating

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A Good Pot of Bubbling Mud

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Will Hike for Hot Springs

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She may have Forgotten her Shearing Appointment?

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The Cliff and Stacks of Vik

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I Love my Friends

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Vik Beach

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Vik: Black Sand Beach

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Vik: Black Sand Beach

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Used to Be a great Lagoon--before the Volcano blew it Out

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Somewhat Groovy in a Reykjavik Bar

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Sunday, September 05, 2010

The Atlantic Rift: Judy's Cream of Wheat

We are heading to Iceland for the week. It sits right on the rift of the North American Plate and the European Plate. While we are there, enjoy this bit of Americana.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

How Did They Know

That people in Queens walk so slow---you could kill them?

Thanks, Jeff.

New York: It’s a hot beaver swamp. We just have to wait three weeks and all will be much more enjoyable. Until then--

Read and laugh:

We’re Getting the Hell Out of this Sewer

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Old Chestnut

Ships in harbor are safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.