Friday, July 31, 2009

Swamp Hos, Piss, and Nuns in Drag Dominate

PRESS RELEASE

CRINGE FEST

Swamp Ho's, Piss, and Nuns in Drag Dominate
International CringeFest '09
Neck and neck (or other appropriate appendages) in the race for the International CringeFest's coveted Golden Pineapple at the Grand Theatre, Producers' Club, are:

SWAMP HO (by David C. Hayes, dir. Tom Amici) in the theme evening of Sex Encounters of the Absurd Kind, playing two more performances, August 2 & 7 at 8 p.m.
PISS PLAY IS ABOUT MINORITIES, SO IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT written & directed by Don Cummings -- theme evening: Your Money or Your Art; three performances: July 29, August 3 & 8 at 8 p.m.
DRAGNESS OF GOD & THE NAKED HOLY GHOST (yes, naked! -- by Michael Wanzie, dir. Kenny Howard), theme evening: Go Genital into That Good Night; two more performances: August 1 & 8 on the late-night Saturday shows at 10:30. TIP: If you attend the 8 p.m. Saturday show at full price ($25), you can get into the late-night for $15!

This year, the festival includes a silent auction, currently on the Internet and continuing through the closing party and bestowing of the Golden Pineapple, Silver Tomato, Bronze Banana, and Jack Lemons, August 9 at 6 p.m. Some of the more intriguing offerings are: "Coffee with... Ginger!" (luminous actress-nightclub singer Tina Louise, best known as Ginger the movie star on "Gilligan's Island"), "Coffee with... legendary actor-writer-director Austin Pendleton," "Coffee with... Richard Pryor Jr." (actor-singer and, yes, son of Richard/ brother of Rain), "Coffee with... Broadway producer Pat Addiss," and more. Further bidding will be for an Ipod touch donated & inscribed by Yoko Ono, 3 movie posters donated & signed by John Waters, signed NYC Ballet soloist toeshoes, designer clothes by Teri Jon, Shin Choi, Twisted Heart, Velvet; dance packages, restaurant certificates, family outings, hotel stays, Broadway/ Off-Broadway tickets, autographed photos & books, and more. To get on the auction mailing list: Info@nyartists.org.

The International CringeFest, July 20-August 9, is subtitled bad plays, bad musicals, bad films, but these are REALLY GOOD & HILARIOUS works that are irreverent, politically incorrect, naughty, and utterly zany. Don't we all need that these days?! Some wild special events beyond the regular insanity include: Unholy Sunday Film Matinees at $15 with popcorn and talk-backs, e.g., Miss Sammy, a Floridian female impersonator, on August 9. Festival entre actes include regulars: musician-comedian Huck DeMilo, sound effects comedian Zero Boy, plus surprise guests. Audiences vote every night for winners of the Fruit Cup Awards. For one ticket, you see 4-5 works arranged in theme evenings:
IS THAT A SPEAR IN YOUR POCKET? (Dir. Tony Spinosa) July 30, August 4
RANK ROID RITE, Samurai Proctologist by Zurbon Gish
BHIBHATSYA: Disgusting Beyond Words by Norman Bert
THE HISTORY OF HATE (entre acte by Jean Hart)
THE FLAMING OF THE SHREW by David Schrag
THE MISSION (MUSICAL) by Kevin Bleau
THE SCOTTISH PLAY sponsored by... by Kurt Kleinmann
CHILDREN & (OTHER) SHARP OBJECTS (Dir. Kenny Wade Marshall) July 31, August 5
PLAYTHINGS by Rob Taylor
SANTA TELLS A STORY by Tami Canaday
THE CLOSET by Aoise Stratford
JUST A BREATH MORE VANILLA by Barbara H. Macchia
BITTERELLA (MUSICAL) by Mark LaPierre
DAMES AT SEA August 1, August 6
TERROR OF COCKROACH BEACH (short film by Albert Pergande)
A NEW BEGINNING by Josh McIlvain, dir. Robyne Parrish
THE ADVENTURES OF RAY NOIR, BEACH DETECTIVE by Dick Budin, dir. Tony Spinosa
WHEN BIMBOS ATTACK by Jean Hart, dir. Kenny Howard
THE BLUE LAGOON: A Musical by Jonathan Padget, dir. Kenny Howard
SEX ENCOUNTERS OF THE ABSURD KIND (Dir. Tom Amici) August 2, August 7
FAME CONFUSIONS by John Hendel
NO TALKING ON THE FIRST DATE by Steven Schutzman
BOOTY BANDITS by Kesa Maya Soul
SWAMP HO by David C. Hayes

YOUR MONEY OR YOUR ART July 29, August 3, August 8
A DARK & STORMY NIGHT by Michael Wilmot (Dir. Robyne Parrish)
THE POORLY-WRITTEN PLAY FESTIVAL by Carolyn Gage (Dir. Robyne Parrish)
WORST. PLAY. EVER. by Sam Wallin (Dir. Robyne Parrish)
PISS PLAY IS ABOUT MINORITIES, SO IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT (Writer-Dir. Don Cummings)
GO GENITAL INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT Late-night Saturdays, August 1, August 8, at 10:30 pm
GRAMPA HITLER & THE LI'L RED RIDIN' HOOD (MUSICAL) by Leroi B. Di Milo (Dir. Robyne Parrish)
DRAGNESS OF GOD & THE NAKED HOLY GHOST (yes, naked!) by Michael Wanzie (Dir. Kenny Howard)
UNHOLY SUNDAY FILM MATINEE Aug. 2, Aug. 9, at 2 pm ($15 w/ bag of popcorn & talk-backs with filmmakers & stars)
SHUT UP, APOLLO! by Apollo Braun aka Doron Braunshtein
CANDY & DADDY by Anton Perich (with Warhol filmstars Candy Darling & Taylor Mead) (talk-back with Taylor Mead & filmmaker Anton Perich on July 26)
DEATH & TAXES by Joseph Sorrentino (film noir)
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF MISS SAMMY by Michael Wanzie & Jason Piecarski (talk-back with Miss Sammy & the filmmakers Aug. 9)
NY Artists Unlimited is a 26 year old nonprofit organization that provides theatre and art to under-served audiences. The company is supported in part by the NYC Department of Cultural Affairs, Lower Manhattan Cultural Council, Nancy Quinn Fund, Puffin Foundation, Dramatists Guild Fund, corporate and individual contributors. These festivals, in their own wacky way, support the mission to serve the community and to reopen the company's homebase, Downeast Arts Center in the East Village. The movers 'n shakers behind this insanity are: Melba LaRose, Artistic Director; Court Sweeting, Technical Director, and playwright Jean Hart of the Honorary Golden Pineapple Committee; plus myriad interns and volunteers that make the whole thing happen.

Tickets $25 full admission; $15 students with ID; $15 film matinees (w/ popcorn & talk-backs). For those attending the 8 p.m. Saturday show at full price, there is a discounted ticket of $15 for the late-night 10:30 show. Reservations are strongly recommended. For more information or reservations by mail, call 212-242-6036 or visit www.nyartists.org. For online ticketing: www.theatermania.com. Grand Theatre at the Producers Club, 358 W. 44 St., betw. Eighth/Ninth Aves., July 20-August 9, M-Sat. @ 8, Sun. @ 2 (films) & 7, late show Saturday @ 10:30. Each theme runs 1¾ to 2 hours in toto, including intermission.

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Wednesday, July 29, 2009

500 Days of Summer

This movie was greatly oversold to me. So I arrived thinking I was in for a treat.

Precious beast of a thing.

First of all, I do love movies. But movie-makers who love movies who try to make me love movies the way they love movies, well, this is a rough experience.

Many gimmicks in this movie. Kitchen sink practically thrown in. I liked the post-sex dance sequence, did not like the send-up fantasy movie clip asides, found the bouncing around in time to be of little use, thought the little sister’s uncanny canny advice was twee but I liked the music.

I felt it was one of those movies where there was so much filming going on, that someone forgot how people really are. So the poor actors, who were great and beautiful—Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (a favorite of mine)—were simply being yanked around, in different LA locales, but repeating the same moment again and again.

You know, all this talk about Indie being dead…I see why there is the talking. It has become repetitive, this style of young people sort of, kind of connecting but not really, with a good soundtrack. It would be so great to see something more revealing, braver. But maybe this is what you get for $12.50 per ticket at the Cineplex and I just have to endure it with a smile.

I was happy to be at a movie and I did not wish I was somewhere else. So I am grateful for the experience of being in the moment. It was a little summer vacation.

Rain rain rain.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Northern Boulevard Blog

Things are swampy in the big city. It gets very humid and then there are big thunderstorms. I don’t mind, except that I keep forgetting to bring an umbrella. It’s leftover Los Angeles behavior. So I’ll stand under an awning and watch it.

Last night, the rain poured down so hard that all the subways had to slow down and/or reroute. This happened while I was in the subway so I never saw the rain, but did experience the slow train. We changed routes a couple of times.

Had snacks and tea with my writer friend, Joanna T., at Cannelle Patisserie, this weekend. I highly recommend it. Brilliant place. Joanna knows a thing or two about food. The chef is from the Waldorf-Astoria. It’s in a strip mall parking lot in Queens about a ten minute walk from my apartment. The anchor is Waldbaum’s. The whole complex looks like something out of Burbank. There is a huge Valley Sky over the parking lot. Wide open space. And 1972 prices. Queens is, afterall, still on the rise when it comes to fancy food. If you are ever in the neighborhood, you must go. I love it. And, oh yes, I will mention again—fantastic prices. Frenchy stuff.

Speaking of which. I am not a cook. I mean, I will do it if forced. But I am never forced. I eat on the fly. Tonight, I had the good intention of making myself a big green salad with a grilled chicken breast plopped on top. Oil, vinegar, some grated cheese. Easy. I can do that. It got late. The local grocery store was closed and I just said, “Fuck it, I’m going to White Castle.”

I have never been, and my good friend, Michael S., he once stayed here in this apartment and told me how I had to go to White Castle for “A sack of ten.” Many of you might already know how this works at White Castle. You can buy a whole bag of mini-burgers (are they really burgers?) for very little cash. So, I walked up Northern Boulevard, past the Columbian neighborhood shops, to the border of the Peruvian neighborhood shops, past at least five Hamburguesa places, a car wash, a few 99cent stores, the fire house, the Rite Aid, and across from the brand new CVS stood White Castle. I couldn’t buy a sack. I went a la carte. Because when you’re a somewhat upscale dude trawling for meat on downscale Northern Boulevard, you simply must insist on the a la carte experience. I ordered one burger slider, one chicken slider and some onion rings. Four bucks.

I texted Michael S. to let him know what I was up to. He called me, immediately, excited and supportive! It’s always good to have a little conversation with someone when you are eating. Helps the digestion. Monkey ritual thing. After I ate my White Castle on that swampy, ugly Northern Boulevard, I went up to the counter—I was the only customer in the place—and I asked the question that so many before me must have asked after slathering down their sliders, “Is there an open liquor store around here?”

A happy woman near some sort of food machine told me it was a half a block away. I asked, “On the same side of the street?” “YES!” She was so happy for me that I didn’t have to cross the street. She was not the woman who took my order, but more of a back-in-the-office type who had come up to check on things. I think she was impressed that I was white and had on a button down shirt.

I walked the half block to the liquor store. It was one of those places that sell big jugs of wine for 8.99 and bottles of other stuff that should be called, “Nothing but pain in the morning.” I bought a red wine on special. In order to pay, I had to tunnel the bottle through a large mouse hole that opened sideways through the bullet proof glass. Paid cash and lugged it home. It’s for tomorrow. I still have a little left in another bottle.

This move to New York (we are moving to New York now) is full-on full.

I really was ready to leave Los Angeles. But I do miss my friends, my house and the weather.

I am at the peak of my career. I’m eating White Castle on Northern Boulevard.

I have never felt more creative. I mostly fill out internet fields for banks and vendors informing them of my email and mailing address change.

We have great assets. We have no cash.

We live apart. I have never felt closer.

I hate writing that does this best of times, worst of times shit. I do it anyway.

Lucky me.

Northern Boulevard is really ugly. But it is so honest.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

PISS PLAY opens TONIGHT!

COME SEE

PISS PLAY IS ABOUT MINORITIES SO IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT
Written and Directed by Don Cummings
With David Youse, Carla Barnett & Flip Laffoon

At the International Cringefest ‘09

July 24 (Fri) & July 29 (Wed)
August 3 (Mon) & August 8 (Sat)

8PM

The Producers’ Club
358 W. 44 St.
New York City 10036

25 bucks general admission
$15 for students
$50 for Gala night with the “Stars” (Mink Stole & More) July 24

PISS PLAY IS ABOUT MINORITIES SO IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT:
The Arts Council must pick one lucky recipient to win the big funding prize! Who will it be? This farce of urinary proportions sends up the ridiculous nature of arts funding and who actually gets the cash. Run by two self-involved nuts that put three applicants through the paces for the booty, only one hopeful has the courage to steel his nerve and give what is greatly desired: The streaming shame of what it means to be "less than" in society. This nasty farce, with its heart in its kidneys, is sure to tickle even the most politically correct.


FOR TICKETS ONLINE:
www.theatermania.com

www.nyartists.org


WHAT DO A MINK STOLE & A GOLDEN PINEAPPLE HAVE IN COMMON?


John Waters superstar MINK STOLE is the latest celeb summoned to be crowned with an Honorary Golden Pineapple on Friday, July 24, at International CringeFest '09. Often cast as the foil for Divine in such cult classics as Hairspray, Female Trouble and Pink Flamingos, she also appeared with Kathleen Turner in Serial Mom. She joins an illustrious quartet of awardees at CringeFest: Virginia P. Louloudes, Executive Director of the Alliance of Resident Theatres/ New York, legendary talk show host Joe Franklin, Village Voice celebrity columnist Michael Musto, and Warhol star Taylor Mead. The ceremony is part of the Rags 'n Riches benefit for the dedicated outreach work of NY Artists Unlimited, the company that created the five-year-old festival. In '07, the honoree was legendary director Tom O'Horgan (Hair, Jesus Christ Superstar) and in '08, stage-screen-small screen star Marilyn Sokol, cabaret superstar Sidney Myer, and Warhol muse/ visual artist Ultra Violet. Benefit tickets are $50, including 4 plays, awards ceremony, and party in the Grand Theatre at the Producers' Club--

358 West 44 Street.

The benefit theme evokes the struggle of the artist, especially in an economic downturn, and all the plays that evening are razor-sharp theatre-oriented comedies: A Dark & Stormy Night (producer tortures writer 'for his own good'), The Poorly-Written Play Festival (lambasts whilst demonstrating bad playwriting), Worst. Play. Ever. (live radio drama with a maniacal twist),and Piss Play Is about Minorities, So It's Really Important (just how far will one go for funding?). The last is written & directed by Don Cummings, who enjoyed an industry reading in June of another of his plays "A Good Smoke" at the Public Theater with Meryl Streep, Henry Wolfe Gummer & Grace Gummer (Meryl's children), and Debra Monk, directed by Pam MacKinnon.

Rags 'n Riches also includes a silent auction, currently on the Internet and continuing through the party in the Producers' Club Lounge after the Pineapple awards. Some of the more intriguing offerings are: "Coffee with… Ginger!" (luminous actress-nightclub singerTina Louise, best known as Ginger the movie star on "Gilligan's Island"), "Coffee with… legendary actor-writer-director Austin Pendleton," "Coffee with… Richard Pryor Jr." (actor-singer and, yes, son of Richard/ brother of Rain), "Coffee with… Broadway producer Pat Addiss," and more. Further bidding will be for an Ipod touch donated & inscribed by Yoko Ono, 3 movie posters donated & signed by John Waters, signed NYC Ballet soloist toeshoes, designer clothes by Teri Jon, Shin Choi, Twisted Heart, Velvet; dance packages, restaurant certificates, family outings, hotel stays, Broadway/ Off-Broadway tickets, original artwork, autographed photos & books, and more. To get on the auction mailing list: Info@nyartists.org.

The International CringeFest, playing July 20-August 9, is subtitled bad plays, bad musicals, bad films, but these are REALLY GOOD & HILARIOUS works that are irreverent, politically incorrect, naughty, and utterly zany. Don't we all need that these days?! This year introduces some wild special events beyond the regular insanity: late-night Saturday shows, including a naked holy ghost and a mysterious little contraption called the Li'l Red Ridin' Hood… AND Unholy Sunday Film Matinees at $15 with popcorn and talk-backs: Taylor Mead & legendary filmmaker Anton Perich on July 26, and Miss Sammy, a Floridian female impersonator, on August 9. Festival entre actes include regulars: musician-comedian Huck DeMilo, sound effects comedian Zero Boy, plus surprise guests. Audiences vote every night for winners of the Golden Pineapple, Silver Tomato, & Bronze Banana, plus Jack Lemons for the actors. For one ticket, you see 4-5 works arranged in theme evenings:


IS THAT A SPEAR IN YOUR POCKET? (Dir. Tony Spinosa) July 20, July 25, July 30, August 4
RANK ROID RITE, Samurai Proctologist by Zurbon Gish
BHIBHATSYA: Disgusting Beyond Words by Norman Bert
THE HISTORY OF HATE (entre acte by Jean Hart)
THE FLAMING OF THE SHREW by David Schrag
THE MISSION (MUSICAL) by Kevin Bleau
THE SCOTTISH PLAY sponsored by… by Kurt Kleinmann

CHILDREN & (OTHER) SHARP OBJECTS (Dir. Kenny Wade Marshall) July 21, July 26, July 31, August 5
PLAYTHINGS by Rob Taylor
SANTA TELLS A STORY by Tami Canaday
THE CLOSET by Aoise Stratford
JUST A BREATH MORE VANILLA by Barbara H. Macchia
BITTERELLA (MUSICAL) by Mark LaPierre

DAMES AT SEA July 22, July 27, August 1, August 6
TERROR OF COCKROACH BEACH (short film by Albert Pergande)
A NEW BEGINNING by Josh McIlvain, dir. Robyne Parrish
THE ADVENTURES OF RAY NOIR, BEACH DETECTIVE by Dick Budin, dir. Tony Spinosa
WHEN BIMBOS ATTACK by Jean Hart, dir. Kenny Howard
THE BLUE LAGOON: A Musical by Jonathan Padget, dir. Kenny Howard

SEX ENCOUNTERS OF THE ABSURD KIND (Dir. Tom Amici) July 23, July 28, August 2, August 7
FAME CONFUSIONS by John Hendel
NO TALKING ON THE FIRST DATE by Steven Schutzman
BOOTY BANDITS by Kesa Maya Soul
SWAMP HO by David C. Hayes

YOUR MONEY OR YOUR ART July 24, July 29, August 3, August 8
A DARK & STORMY NIGHT by Michael Wilmot (Dir. Robyne Parrish)
THE POORLY-WRITTEN PLAY FESTIVAL by Carolyn Gage (Dir. Robyne Parrish)
WORST. PLAY. EVER. by Sam Wallin (Dir. Robyne Parrish)
PISS PLAY IS ABOUT MINORITIES, SO IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT (Writer-Dir. Don Cummings)

GO GENITAL INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT Late-night Saturdays, July 25, August 1, August 8, at 10:30 pm
GRAMPA HITLER & THE LI'L RED RIDIN' HOOD (MUSICAL) by Leroi B. Di Milo (Dir. Robyne Parrish)
DRAGNESS OF GOD & THE NAKED HOLY GHOST (yes, naked!) by Michael Wanzie (Dir. Kenny Howard)

UNHOLY SUNDAY FILM MATINEE July 26, Aug. 2, Aug. 9, at 2 pm ($15 w/ bag of popcorn & talk-backs with filmmakers & stars)
SHUT UP, APOLLO!by Apollo Braun aka Doron Braunshtein
CANDY & DADDYby Anton Perich (with Warhol filmstars Candy Darling & Taylor Mead) (talk-back with Taylor Mead & filmmaker Anton Perich on July 26)
DEATH & TAXESby Joseph Sorrentino(film noir)
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF MISS SAMMYby Michael Wanzie & Jason Piecarski (talk-back with Miss Sammy & the filmmakers Aug. 9)

NY Artists Unlimited is a 26 year old nonprofit organization that provides theatre and art to under-served audiences. The company is supported in part by the NYC Department of Cultural Affairs, Lower Manhattan Cultural Council, Nancy Quinn Fund, Puffin Foundation, Dramatists Guild Fund, corporate and individual contributors. These festivals, in their own wacky way, support the mission to serve the community and to reopen the company's homebase, Downeast Arts Center in the East Village. The movers 'n shakers behind this insanity are: Melba LaRose, Artistic Director; Court Sweeting, Technical Director, and playwright Jean Hart of the Honorary Golden Pineapple Committee; plus myriad interns and volunteers that make the whole thing happen.

Tickets $25 full admission; $15 students with ID; $15 film matinees (w/ popcorn & talk-backs). Reservations are strongly recommended. For more information or reservations by mail, call 212-242-6036 or visit www.nyartists.org. For online ticketing: www.theatermania.com. Grand Theatre at the Producers Club, 358 W. 44 St., betw. Eighth/Ninth Aves., July 20-August 9, M-Sat. @ 8, Sun. @ 2 (films) & 7, late show Saturday @ 10:30. Each theme runs 1¾ to 2 hours in toto, including intermission.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

What I Skip Whenever I Read the Paper

Iraqi Dead.
Iranian Dead.
No more than one business article, too grim.
Sports.
Music Reviews.
Local Murders.
Letters to the editor.
Obituaries.
The dying journalism trade.

When I look at this list, it tends toward the dead. I don’t want to read too much about the dead and the dying.

I miss the Los Angeles Times of 1999. It was so funny and snarky back then. Now, I only read the New York Times and whatever little feeds end up on Google Mail that interest me.

Also, let’s face it, the Righties are right…newspapers, in general, skew to the left in this country. There is not so much to attack when your hero is in office.

Feels like I can get through the New York Times online in fifteen minutes. Except for Sunday, of course.

So now we have time for other things.

If I were to run into this blog post (which is about journalism), I wouldn’t read it!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Money Talk

Things are going to get almost bullish.

There is talk of recovery.

Obama is getting strong and tough.

People are sick of the unemployment and the endless hot dog dinners. And the cycle is about to turn to rosier times.

As monkeys, we really are creatures of the moment. Sure, we plan. But our emotional reactions are quite mammalian, no different than that of a cow or a badger. We respond to current clues. So it is hard to imagine a “cycle”. We aren’t really wired to emotionally understand them.

But at some point, and that point is soon, the wheel turns to the new numbers and colors.

Brace yourself for the recovery. It’s coming. Put down that jug of 4.99 wine and get on your work boots. There is stuff to do. And the new stuff, we think, will be cleaner and more efficient.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Hazy Hot Humid & Goldman Sachs

Friends,
It’s New York in the summer and it’s not just hot out there, it’s kind of greasy.

I like the humidity for my contact lenses and my sinuses. But for everything else, it’s sort of vile.

In the hot meantime, the rich are finding ways to get richer again, which is fine with me. But what is not so fine is how all this cash is concentrating within a couple of companies. One hopes we become innovative again and create sparkling yet smooth demand that splinters the money around instead of putting it in the hands of a few.

But it just feels like we are in a bust, then one day we will boom, only to bust again.

Nothing new under the sun. You just have to keep washing your face.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

PISS PLAY July 24, 29, August 3, 8

COME SEE

PISS PLAY IS ABOUT MINORITIES SO IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT
Written and Directed by Don Cummings
With David Youse, Carla Barnett & Flip Laffoon

At the International Cringefest ‘09

July 24 (Fri) & July 29 (Wed)
August 3 (Mon) & August 8 (Sat)

8PM

The Producers’ Club
358 W. 44 St.
New York City 10036

25 bucks general admission
$15 for students
$50 for Gala night with the “Stars” (Mink Stole & More) July 24

PISS PLAY IS ABOUT MINORITIES SO IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT:
The Arts Council must pick one lucky recipient to win the big funding prize! Who will it be? This farce of urinary proportions sends up the ridiculous nature of arts funding and who actually gets the cash. Run by two self-involved nuts that put three applicants through the paces for the booty, only one hopeful has the courage to steel his nerve and give what is greatly desired: The streaming shame of what it means to be "less than" in society. This nasty farce, with its heart in its kidneys, is sure to tickle even the most politically correct.


FOR TICKETS ONLINE:
www.theatermania.com

www.nyartists.org


WHAT DO A MINK STOLE & A GOLDEN PINEAPPLE HAVE IN COMMON?


John Waters superstar MINK STOLE is the latest celeb summoned to be crowned with an Honorary Golden Pineapple on Friday, July 24, at International CringeFest '09. Often cast as the foil for Divine in such cult classics as Hairspray, Female Trouble and Pink Flamingos, she also appeared with Kathleen Turner in Serial Mom. She joins an illustrious quartet of awardees at CringeFest: Virginia P. Louloudes, Executive Director of the Alliance of Resident Theatres/ New York, legendary talk show host Joe Franklin, Village Voice celebrity columnist Michael Musto, and Warhol star Taylor Mead. The ceremony is part of the Rags 'n Riches benefit for the dedicated outreach work of NY Artists Unlimited, the company that created the five-year-old festival. In '07, the honoree was legendary director Tom O'Horgan (Hair, Jesus Christ Superstar) and in '08, stage-screen-small screen star Marilyn Sokol, cabaret superstar Sidney Myer, and Warhol muse/ visual artist Ultra Violet. Benefit tickets are $50, including 4 plays, awards ceremony, and party in the Grand Theatre at the Producers' Club--

358 West 44 Street.

The benefit theme evokes the struggle of the artist, especially in an economic downturn, and all the plays that evening are razor-sharp theatre-oriented comedies: A Dark & Stormy Night (producer tortures writer 'for his own good'), The Poorly-Written Play Festival (lambasts whilst demonstrating bad playwriting), Worst. Play. Ever. (live radio drama with a maniacal twist),and Piss Play Is about Minorities, So It's Really Important (just how far will one go for funding?). The last is written & directed by Don Cummings, who enjoyed an industry reading in June of another of his plays "A Good Smoke" at the Public Theater with Meryl Streep, Henry Wolfe Gummer & Grace Gummer (Meryl's children), and Debra Monk, directed by Pam MacKinnon.

Rags 'n Riches also includes a silent auction, currently on the Internet and continuing through the party in the Producers' Club Lounge after the Pineapple awards. Some of the more intriguing offerings are: "Coffee with… Ginger!" (luminous actress-nightclub singerTina Louise, best known as Ginger the movie star on "Gilligan's Island"), "Coffee with… legendary actor-writer-director Austin Pendleton," "Coffee with… Richard Pryor Jr." (actor-singer and, yes, son of Richard/ brother of Rain), "Coffee with… Broadway producer Pat Addiss," and more. Further bidding will be for an Ipod touch donated & inscribed by Yoko Ono, 3 movie posters donated & signed by John Waters, signed NYC Ballet soloist toeshoes, designer clothes by Teri Jon, Shin Choi, Twisted Heart, Velvet; dance packages, restaurant certificates, family outings, hotel stays, Broadway/ Off-Broadway tickets, original artwork, autographed photos & books, and more. To get on the auction mailing list: Info@nyartists.org.

The International CringeFest, playing July 20-August 9, is subtitled bad plays, bad musicals, bad films, but these are REALLY GOOD & HILARIOUS works that are irreverent, politically incorrect, naughty, and utterly zany. Don't we all need that these days?! This year introduces some wild special events beyond the regular insanity: late-night Saturday shows, including a naked holy ghost and a mysterious little contraption called the Li'l Red Ridin' Hood… AND Unholy Sunday Film Matinees at $15 with popcorn and talk-backs: Taylor Mead & legendary filmmaker Anton Perich on July 26, and Miss Sammy, a Floridian female impersonator, on August 9. Festival entre actes include regulars: musician-comedian Huck DeMilo, sound effects comedian Zero Boy, plus surprise guests. Audiences vote every night for winners of the Golden Pineapple, Silver Tomato, & Bronze Banana, plus Jack Lemons for the actors. For one ticket, you see 4-5 works arranged in theme evenings:


IS THAT A SPEAR IN YOUR POCKET? (Dir. Tony Spinosa) July 20, July 25, July 30, August 4
RANK ROID RITE, Samurai Proctologist by Zurbon Gish
BHIBHATSYA: Disgusting Beyond Words by Norman Bert
THE HISTORY OF HATE (entre acte by Jean Hart)
THE FLAMING OF THE SHREW by David Schrag
THE MISSION (MUSICAL) by Kevin Bleau
THE SCOTTISH PLAY sponsored by… by Kurt Kleinmann

CHILDREN & (OTHER) SHARP OBJECTS (Dir. Kenny Wade Marshall) July 21, July 26, July 31, August 5
PLAYTHINGS by Rob Taylor
SANTA TELLS A STORY by Tami Canaday
THE CLOSET by Aoise Stratford
JUST A BREATH MORE VANILLA by Barbara H. Macchia
BITTERELLA (MUSICAL) by Mark LaPierre

DAMES AT SEA July 22, July 27, August 1, August 6
TERROR OF COCKROACH BEACH (short film by Albert Pergande)
A NEW BEGINNING by Josh McIlvain, dir. Robyne Parrish
THE ADVENTURES OF RAY NOIR, BEACH DETECTIVE by Dick Budin, dir. Tony Spinosa
WHEN BIMBOS ATTACK by Jean Hart, dir. Kenny Howard
THE BLUE LAGOON: A Musical by Jonathan Padget, dir. Kenny Howard

SEX ENCOUNTERS OF THE ABSURD KIND (Dir. Tom Amici) July 23, July 28, August 2, August 7
FAME CONFUSIONS by John Hendel
NO TALKING ON THE FIRST DATE by Steven Schutzman
BOOTY BANDITS by Kesa Maya Soul
SWAMP HO by David C. Hayes

YOUR MONEY OR YOUR ART July 24, July 29, August 3, August 8
A DARK & STORMY NIGHT by Michael Wilmot (Dir. Robyne Parrish)
THE POORLY-WRITTEN PLAY FESTIVAL by Carolyn Gage (Dir. Robyne Parrish)
WORST. PLAY. EVER. by Sam Wallin (Dir. Robyne Parrish)
PISS PLAY IS ABOUT MINORITIES, SO IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT (Writer-Dir. Don Cummings)

GO GENITAL INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT Late-night Saturdays, July 25, August 1, August 8, at 10:30 pm
GRAMPA HITLER & THE LI'L RED RIDIN' HOOD (MUSICAL) by Leroi B. Di Milo (Dir. Robyne Parrish)
DRAGNESS OF GOD & THE NAKED HOLY GHOST (yes, naked!) by Michael Wanzie (Dir. Kenny Howard)

UNHOLY SUNDAY FILM MATINEE July 26, Aug. 2, Aug. 9, at 2 pm ($15 w/ bag of popcorn & talk-backs with filmmakers & stars)
SHUT UP, APOLLO!by Apollo Braun aka Doron Braunshtein
CANDY & DADDYby Anton Perich (with Warhol filmstars Candy Darling & Taylor Mead) (talk-back with Taylor Mead & filmmaker Anton Perich on July 26)
DEATH & TAXESby Joseph Sorrentino(film noir)
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF MISS SAMMYby Michael Wanzie & Jason Piecarski (talk-back with Miss Sammy & the filmmakers Aug. 9)

NY Artists Unlimited is a 26 year old nonprofit organization that provides theatre and art to under-served audiences. The company is supported in part by the NYC Department of Cultural Affairs, Lower Manhattan Cultural Council, Nancy Quinn Fund, Puffin Foundation, Dramatists Guild Fund, corporate and individual contributors. These festivals, in their own wacky way, support the mission to serve the community and to reopen the company's homebase, Downeast Arts Center in the East Village. The movers 'n shakers behind this insanity are: Melba LaRose, Artistic Director; Court Sweeting, Technical Director, and playwright Jean Hart of the Honorary Golden Pineapple Committee; plus myriad interns and volunteers that make the whole thing happen.

Tickets $25 full admission; $15 students with ID; $15 film matinees (w/ popcorn & talk-backs). Reservations are strongly recommended. For more information or reservations by mail, call 212-242-6036 or visit www.nyartists.org. For online ticketing: www.theatermania.com. Grand Theatre at the Producers Club, 358 W. 44 St., betw. Eighth/Ninth Aves., July 20-August 9, M-Sat. @ 8, Sun. @ 2 (films) & 7, late show Saturday @ 10:30. Each theme runs 1¾ to 2 hours in toto, including intermission.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Bruno

Saw Bruno today.

Watch the trailer, you get the idea.

Look—I don’t know how he did it after Borat, since one would imagine everyone is onto him. This movie did seem more set up and controlled than the last one.

At first, I thought the super-duper, over-the-top gay thing in Bruno was so 1981. But the big point of the movie is: You people can’t take a big effeminate, gay man…but you are totally cool with violence.

Which is a great comment and quite profound, but also banal and sad.

Actually, a sadness runs deep in this movie. Like Vietnam sad. Underneath the humor.

Sasha B. Cohen looked eerily like my nephew, which was odd to endure.

Bruno, a big, funny, sad movie.

Greetings from New York: Hydrangea Season

 
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Sunday, July 12, 2009

Overheard in Queens, Today

“Get off my face, Eileen!”

--an old woman yelled at her other old woman friend, Eileen. Eileen had already signed the petition and wanted to get a move on.

The yeller continued, “Just ‘cause you’re done doesn’t mean I am.”

It was a beautiful day in Queens, today. Lots of Sunday dogs out on their walks.

But Eileen was in a rush.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Immediate Concern

Going to New York for a while to work on some things. And after tonight, being enshrouded by eighty-seven cobwebs as I crossed the street to look at the gigantic podicarpus tree that is baobbabing my house, I thought, “I will be very happy to spend much less time with these sticky velvet fibers clinging to my face.”

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

She Rolled Off the Lot Today

Noah Massey stopped by today and bought my lovely old car. I drove that 1992 Geo Prizm to Los Angeles in 1993. Noah is a graphic designer and a D.J. He is going to use the car to take his daughter to school and to haul equipment to DJ gigs. I love this transition.

When I arrived in Los Angeles, besides some clothes, I basically had four things: the Geo Prizm, a brand new Martin guitar, a Brother Word Processor and two-thousand dollars.

The only remaining item is the Martin guitar. That Geo, that Chevrolet version of a Toyota Corolla, was a tank. Once, about six years ago, she conked out coming up the grapevine (I-5, north of Los Angeles about seventy miles) and it turned out to be the transmission. It died. The garage just across the alley from my house sent up a tow truck and hauled me home. They replaced the tranny for thirteen-hundred bucks.

About three alternators, five batteries, thirteen or fourteen tires and countless brake pads later, she keeps purring, okay, not purring, but GOING. Go have some great gigs, car. You're loaded with life.

 
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Monday, July 06, 2009

GAS SIPPING CAR for SALE: 1992 Geo Prizm SOLD

GREAT 1992 GEO PRIZM SIPS GAS SLOWLY

1992 Geo Prizm for Sale 151 Thousand Miles.

Blu Book value: 1300

Selling it for 1150

AMAZING on GAS----Goes forevever (About 340 miles, city) on 10 gallons.

All electrical is faboo.

Automatic Transmission

Bucket Seats

Rear Window Defogger

Solid engine with never any trouble

Transmission was replaced five years ago.

A/C works great.

Heat comes and goes.

AM-FM radio with Cassette Pioneer KE-3838

Couple of inner door handles have a piece missing…but all doors open, no problem. Piece is replaceable and inexpensive.

Roll down windows

Power steering and Power brakes

Some dings and one dent on the outside but NO RUST.

White exterior

Cloth powder blue seats interior.

Windshield washer fluid reservoir no longer exists, but wipers work fine,

Floor carpets and upholstery are in great shape.

She’s a solid tank of a car---with some cosmetic wear and tear. I've treated her like a princess.

SOLD

GREAT 1992 GEO PRIZM SIPS GAS SLOWLY

Full Moon and Werewolves

The full moon tonight is so enlivening, I can only think of my childhood wish to be a werewolf.

I wanted it so bad. To turn all furry, spur claws, fangs and run around wild.

My father called me Irving when I was a kid. I wore glasses and spent most of my time alone with books.

I imagined being a werewolf was my way out. I hope I succeed.

Friday, July 03, 2009

Like War, Crime is Boring: Public Enemies

While eating with my good cousins at The Grove—an outdoor fake-town mall in Los Angeles, we looked up at the marquis of the movie theatre across the way and a scowling Johnny Depp beckoned, so we decided to go see—Public Enemies.

Let’s keep this simple:

Mortgage funds for all involved.

Beautifully shot.

Bad sound.

Almost every single man in the movie has pale skin and chestnut hair, so, you figure that out.

Lots of on-the-lam stuff, a few bank robberies, no suspense.

Fine acting, surely.

Cameos by lots of actors you like. You get the sense that they didn’t know they were cameos and were shot a whole lot more and then chopped out of the movie.

The thing slogs on for hours on end.

Have fun.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Welcome, A.F.

Let’s all welcome Al Franken to the senate for that 60th vote spot which will certainly assure our new health care plan.

Al, I once saw you at the Fairway restaurant, on Broadway on the Upper West Side, eating an egg salad sandwich and it looked like you were having quite a robust experience. You were huger than life.

Life just gets bigger.

To Washington! Godspeed! (What on earth does Godspeed mean?)