Thursday, April 30, 2009


I recently read that Twitter has a very low retention rate of users.


Twitter so annoys me, I started to write an annoying Twitter novel on Twitter with the exact goal to bring Twitter down.

Of course, I could get over my technology induced A.D.D. and simply ignore all these new ways to “Get-it-out-there.”

But I get so much pressure from my friends…like, “But you blog all the time, you should twitter!”

And I think, “Why? I’m blogging!”

Plus, let’s face it, blogs devolve. I understand now why I should have had a blog that went hedgehog deep instead of fox curious.

But I am fox curious…So there sits my blog with it’s fluffy orange tail.

But this twitter? I want it to go down like Dick Cheney.

I don’t think Dick has lost his mind. I think it was always gone and now, he just doesn’t care if we see it. What a freakish monster.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

A Specter in the Eye of the Right Wing

That smarts. Poor Republicans.

My only fear, and it is a real one, is that Obama will get everything he wants…and it still won’t work.

And if that happens---then, we are simply doomed.

HOWEVER, I don’t believe that will happen.

I believe he is going to get HEALTH CARE majorly revamped. And the new ENERGY ECONOMY started up. But Education and the Economy are still going to be a problem
We don’t do either one of those things well any longer. Too Boomy and stupid for too long.

Specter is now a monstrous hero. He was wise to abandon his small minded party. They have nothing going right now.

Dreams of the adrenalin boosting filibuster, gone.

Is that the whizzing sound of legislation going through? Without someone reading a book of recipes aloud?


Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Oh My Piggies!

Look that Swine Flu right in its pig slit of an eye and simply say, “I WILL HAVE NONE OF YOU!”

Also…it wouldn’t hurt to wash your hands.

Ever since I have become a big ol’ hand washer, I almost never get sick.

Whenever I come in from dealing with the public, shaking hands, or sitting on a plane…I simply wash those hands of mine.

Of course, it could all just be the placebo effect that saves me. No matter! I’ll take a placebo anytime!

But back to this flu. You know, I remember when SARS was in its big outbreak. We were on our way to France. Passengers at LAX were wearing masks. I was nervous, but I didn’t think I’d actually get a touch of SARS.

The hype of this piggish disease, this swine flu, this what-can-you-do-swine-flu, this porky inconvenience, it’s right up there with the West Nile Virus and the Avian Flu. Quack Quack.

I am celebrating the financial and medical fracturing of our earth by accepting the idea that we are all one…and we are all affected by the misdeeds of men and pigs.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Friday, April 24, 2009

There's Got to Be a Morning After Pill

Plan B is so genius, it should thrill everyone. Not only do you NOT need a prescription, it’s not even abortion. It just keeps sperm and egg from uniting.

IT’S LIKE A CONDOM IN PILL FORM! (without the benefit of protecting you from disease, sad.)

But there it is! The magic pill we’ve all been waiting for. It stops conception from occurring. How brilliant. Even the Catholic church never stated, “Life begins at the moment sperm slops into the vagina.”

And what is the reaction of the conservative, anti-abortion right? They hate it.

At this point, you just have to think these people hate sex. Pure and simple. Sure, they don’t want to terminate pregnancies, but horrifyingly, these are people who think every sex act should happen after marriage and end with a baby. They are irresponsible, crazy people.

Plan B. It’s the plan you come up with when the human race has multiplied like rabbits and half those rabbits are insane.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Norman Conquests

So lucky was I to see The Norman Conquests today at a matinee at Circle in the Square. Alan Ayckbourn wrote three plays that take place over one weekend in three different locations: the dining room, the living room and the garden.

They are entitled, respectively, Table Manners, Living Together and Round and Round the Garden.

We saw Living Together. In the Living Room.

It was simply very humorous, directed with perfect pitch timing by Matthew Warchus, with a cast of stellar people you may or may not have heard of: Amelia Bullmore, Jessica Hynes, Stephan Mangan, Ben Miles, Paul Ritter and Amanda Root.

Each character is a bit of a type. Comedy, afterall. The silliness is tinged with desperate sadness. Stephan Mangan, playing Norman, is the seducer, pulling everyone possible into his horny, needy clutches. It is not so much farce as it is drawing room comedy at a high pitch.

The three plays fit together like a puzzle, so if you go back to see another one of the plays, you get to see the action going on in the other room or garden. And, if someone exits in one of the plays with a basket, that entrance is seen in the other play, with the same character carrying the basket. It’s all pretty cool and it takes a quick and big mind to pull off this kind of writing. Alan Ayckbourn takes about two weeks to write a play. This is true and not a criticism. Though the stuff does not run too deep, it does run quite truthful. So what the heck! Smart guy. He has written about seventy plays.

Clever. Enjoyable. Extremely well done. It’s the Old Vic production from London.

Head on over. If you are feeling energetic, go to one of the days when you can see all three plays. Bring a bagged lunch.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Dying Dog Show: Four Months Later

My beloved Louise has been dead for four months.

Tonight, it hit me again.

To spare you the image of a middle aged guy sobbing alone in an apartment over his dead pooch, I will not describe it in detail.

But I will jump in here with this—loss is so awful, yet we survive it and I am very impressed with that. I imagine grief is the brain’s mechanism to release the connection to something that is no longer here? I don’t really understand grief. We had some dogs that didn’t last in our house growing up. Only one, JJ, really upset me.


I hear the only way to really get over your dead dog is to get another one.

Monday, April 20, 2009

420 The Pot Calling the Right Wing Black

Okay, the title doesn’t scan.

But, seriously, pot is a drug, like alcohol and nicotine, and so, you know, we might as well sell it as such, tax it, then use the money to build high speed rail.

I think the Republican Party is being taken over by libertarians. I’d rather have them than the tighty-righties with their Christianism. (Though, truly, I have nothing against Christ. I’m a little insane myself.)

So, it is no surprise that the Republicans are couching this whole “Fuck it…let people smoke weed” thing in dollar bills. Business is business.

I wonder, I do, how we do so well (formerly) as a nation when we are driven by profit yet are also fearful of anything pleasurable. At least dissociated from anything pleasurable. Or even more, dissociated, then blissed out, followed with guilt.

I think Pot is not as innocuous as people say it is. I think there are problems with it. It is addictive (at least habit forming). It is a hallucinogen (I’ve seen people lying low on my sofa and floor because of the stuff). And it can cause anxiety and paranoia (Okay, that’s me).

So, being a bit of a moderate lefty, I feel like we must get very truthful about weed. Box it pretty. Sell it at Walmart. But like cigarettes, there should be warnings all over it. And, maybe this---a limit on how much you can buy? Is that too controlling?

I do not believe all drugs should be legal. I believe Cocaine and all kinds of speed, hard opiates, big hallucinogenics, are pretty destructive. But Pot? It’s just kind of destructive. Like Glenlivet.

So, bring it on, this legalization. Then, give health care to all. Legalize Gay Marriage. Start selling Gouda. And presto! We’re Holland.

Holland is pretty cool. I wish their official name was Holland and not The Netherlands.

State of Play

I like a hard boiled movie.

I like journalism.

I like Russell Crowe (why two Ls? Yes.) a lot. Investigative reporter gone to seed. Fat and hairy and still very sexy.

And Helen Mirren is everyone’s favorite strong woman. The boss of the paper.

Ben Affleck is still very handsome and likable and, well, you know, he could always be better. Sorry Ben. One roots for you. With your long face. Ben seems to be holding onto youth with all four limbs. The congressman.

Robin Wright Penn, beautiful and simple. The wife of the congressman.

Rachel McAdams got her job done.

And how about that slime ball Jason Bateman? He played the nastiest weasel I’ve seen in a long time. Kind of brilliant. The PR guy with some good information. I smell Oskie.

The story is one of those stories that I have a hard time following. But I followed this one, all the way through, to the end. The movie had me. It was smart. It was suspenseful. It had well developed characters with very complicated relationships.

However, the final twist was very unsatisfying and, really, almost ruined the whole thing for me.

Why did the story end like that?

I will only reveal this about the plot, in such vague terms: New journalism (blog) versus old journalism (paper). Mercenary military companies. Paranoia. A congressman going after the bad mercenary military guys. An affair. Spying. A nasty hired killer killing for whom? Russell Crowe is the middle aged reporter guy, with the big gut and the long hair…figuring out what really went down. The whole time, teaching Rachel McAdams what it is to be a real reporter.

Look…it’s better than a lot of other stuff out there. Plus, I was really in the mood for a movie.

Russell Crowe fans. Go.
Ben Affleck fans. Go.
Helen Mirren fans. Eh.
Newspaper thriller fans. Go.

State of Play

Now, what on earth does the title have to do with anything? I don’t know.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Lovely Humans

I know, you’ve already watched it sixteen times and you keep crying---

But that’s okay.

The eye rollers in the audience. You are one of them. The fearful one.

But the not-so-pretty woman on that stage. You are her. We all are. That’s why you relate to it so much. We’re all so ugly with the beauty within. Right? I think that is the note she really hit. And so, we go on.

Keep singing.

I bet she does get kissed. By Simon.

On another note: Obama is not a Socialist. Stop it.

Watch it one more time:

Susan Boyle on Britain’s Got Talent

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Eat My Bullets

I had never been on The Intrepid before. What a boat.

Now that there is a reasonable guy as president, the thought of war is not so scary to me. It has returned to something akin to, "It's over there, somewhere, vague, but I have stuff to do."

So--big nasty machinery, removed from the threat of reality, is pretty powerful looking stuff. You can feel the need to climb right into this helicopter and parade around like you are the most powerful badass mofo who ever zipped through...Oh who am I kidding? I'd never do that. I was in a helicopter over Kaui with my Recognized-by-the-State-of-California Domestic Partner and his parents, and I just closed my eyes and couldn't wait for it to be over.

But let's say I wasn't me for a minute. I get the power.

But let's say I am me for a minute...and this is true. I think I am crazy enough to lay fifteen nuclear warheads along the Afghani-Paki border. If nothing else, make the place inhospitable for those upstarts.

Bet there'd be less meetings after that.

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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Bullies on the High Seas

I love dead pirates. Especially when they are shot by snipers.

Bullies are awful.

Perhaps this killing will send a signal back to the would-be pirates currently struggling in Somalia.

It is very sad that a country is so awful that many of its young turn to crime, of some nature, in order to survive.

I am not so naïve to believe the rich West can solve all these problems for unfortunate people in unlucky nations. And sometimes, you just have to shoot them.

Sticks. Carrots. Shaming. Appeasement. Killing. Allowing. Bending. Standing straight up. Raising the bar. Acceptance. Punishing. Rewarding.

All these ways? Yes. And so few of them, almost none of them can solve the problem.

You pick one or two---mix them up---measure. Adjust. Try again. Measure. Adjust.

And while you are measuring, things change. Keep an eye out.

And carry guns.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Les Temps

Speaking with R.K., an actor friend we ran into from Los Angeles who actually lives in New York, we got on the subject, the endlessly dull subject of the differences between NY and LA.

He went on about the superiority of NY because of the abundant culture, the mixing of people and the inherent greater morality the city's citizens have to offer. Especially, one appreciates this environment for raising kids. Sure, there is more tradition and guilt here.

I added, "But LA...the weather!"

And he responded, "Shame on you if you live somewhere for the weather."

He is right. Shame on me.

But spring is maybe finally fucking hitting New York and I have to say, I would rather not be walking around when the streets of Queens and Mahattan are howling winter at me. It really makes a difference.

Central Park today:

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Sunday, April 12, 2009

reasons to be pretty

I’ve always been a fan of Neil LaBute. I loved In the Company of Men. Cynical, truthful, shot so flat and real, harsh and honest.

He and Solondz, they were the men for me.

He kept on. I’ve seen much. By the time he got to FAT PIG, I thought, “Fat pig? Really?”

Felt like a whole lot of shark jumping to me.

Then, yesterday, we saw reasons to be pretty. I am many degrees wrong.

reasons to be pretty is very smart, fantastic to listen to, straight out and flat to watch, sad and honest.

I hope it does very well.

Acting is pitched right. Deep enough. But also, the language is handled musically and pedestrian at the same time. Actors (and I saw one understudy) were: Thomas Sadoski, Anne Bowles, Steven Pasquale and Piper Perabo.

Direction is muscular and smooth. Economized and adult. By Terry Kinney. No slouch.

Set design is sad—palettes of big box store items framing the stage. Much of the play takes place in the break room. Pathetic, slave location. Needing to break out. David Gallo here.

I think the title is misleading. Perhaps this is purposeful. This play is really about a weak guy learning how to grow up, to be brave, to tell the truth. Even with the chosen lower casing of the title...

But then what would you call it? “The Break Room?”

I don’t know.

Rarely have I been to a play where I have enjoyed the language so much. You ride it in this one. It is a unique sound.

The difficulty of men and women getting along? Yes, a DNA problem. But also, facing off on differences of world view, ambition and bravery between any two people is always a cause for conflict and drama. Growing up. Paying attention.

See it.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Good Friday

I have this weird thing about Jesus. I would like to say that I am ambivalent, but I’m not. I mostly feel that Jesus was a mad man, like so many other mad men who thought they were the son of God. Asylums are full of them. Jesus’ great trick was that he was also highly functional, a carpenter and must have also been a brilliant narcissist, hiding it well.

Now this might sound a little hostile. However, I do not believe that a case of mild, strongly regulated schizophrenia mixed with high grade narcissism is necessarily a bad thing.

I could be wrong. Maybe he really was the son of some god. Okay. Sure. Have a nice day.

But this is the thing. Christianity codified a lot of human behavior. Right and wrong. And the system was a little simpler than the former codified systems…even the Jews’ monotheistic system was more complicated what with all the arguing over interpretation. I think I still hear them arguing.

A bunch of mortals needed rallying. They got it. They chose this guy to be the symbol of it. It was an evolution of culture. It keeps going.

Maybe the unifying goat God will bring things together—and we’ll go back to worshipping nature, but simply. That would be the next evolution. We are of it. We are it. No need to dissociate and then project.

Enjoy your peeps, ham and eggs. Those are eternal.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

And I am Afraid

You watch this video—and you just have to laugh. Or think about it.

The third person, the young black woman in glasses, “And I am afraid.”

Come on! They couldn’t even get good actors!

You know, this little vidiot has the tone and feel of a Scientology promotion. I once went to the Scientology Center to do some research and they showed me a kind of orientation thing that was so silly and had that same feeling of “big earth doom” going on.

It makes you want to say that all conservatives and religious people have bad taste and are stupid.

But you don’t say that, because you want to be decent.

But it is hard to be decent when confronted with such hatred.

But then, you realize the hatred is not really hatred, it’s just fear.

And then you note, simply, that natural selection chooses against fearful primates.

So, these people who produced this vidiot and the actors who actually performed in it…I wish them well. They should not suffer. But they must also understand that a shrinking, fearful soul is a shrinking, fearful organism. In retreat. Bye bye.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Moonlight in Vermont

Friends, there is no stopping it. Homos and Lezzies are running around like freaks---getting married, raising children, getting divorced, changing careers, grocery shopping, moving into houses, driving, eating peanut butter, taking walks, having sex, drinking wine, returning things to the store, buying books, walking dogs, taking Paxil, singing in the shower, flossing, calling their mothers, vacuuming, getting on Facebook, you name it!
They’re doing it. It’s wild.

Let’s hear it for Vermont.

Come on California, you’re next. You can do it. We know you can. Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa and Vermont are lisping, “JOIN US!”

Monday, April 06, 2009

The Inlaws

Someday, soon, I will have honest inlaws---as in, "Getting married will make an honest man out of me."

Now, usually, you want to be careful posting pictures of friends and family. I tend to post funny pictures from the past or decent pictures from the present.

I would say this is a beautiful picture from the present. These blondy WASP ladies are my family. Bottom left is Mother Judith, then, we go clockwise to the sisters. Ann, Sarah and Rebecca. Yes, Biblical names, Old Testament, all.

Maybe a trip to Iowa is the way to make it honest. I don't know.

Until then, I will continue to think of these people as my family-by-marriage, even though right now they are only my family-by-Domestic-Partnership.

Oh, people.

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You Ought to Give Iowa a Try

Thank you Iowa.

As a kid, I knew you as "Iowa Test" Seemed like a smart place.

Though I really don't know you, Iowa, I am proud of you and you made me a cry a little.

Had to go You Tube Dipping. Found this. If You've ever been in Music Man...

Friday, April 03, 2009

So We Keep Printing Money

How wild. We just keep printing it and Obama keeps handing it out.

What on earth is happening here?

I have never lived through anything like this. I have recall about things I’ve read. The Weimar, mostly. People pushing wheelbarrows of cash to buy a loaf of bread.

I don’t mind if the dollar collapses along with all the other currencies. But then you have to ask, “What IS the modern currency?”

Or, “What WILL BE the currency of next year?’

I just do not know. Maybe the currency will be experience. Or openness. Or pebbles. Or corn?

Loose, meaningless dollars out there.

Perhaps what will need to happen is a huge sigh of debt erasure. Like the day the earth stood still. We all just agree: DO OVER!

And all debt is forgiven.

Then fashion a One World currency. Come up with a new name and a new symbol. The I. As in Roman Numeral 1… Could be a good unit. Just call them ONES. Every language has a word for one. Use I and call it One. Maybe we’ll feel like one big part of it, together.

Start over.

Obama and friends…you’re freaking me out. And I’m a Democrat. Big one.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

The Devil's Staircase

As China rolls the electric cars off the assembly line while Americans sit around still wondering, “When do I get to be rich like they said?”—

I think of the Autistic children. So many now.

The rate of occurrence of Autism has not changed, as many have proffered, it is only that we are better able to count them.

Perhaps, true. But even if there has always been this density of Autistic beings, (1 in 150 eight year olds, to 1 in 5,000 eight year olds, depending on the study), you have to wonder, why so many Autistic kids? Are they speciating?

Or are these kids, simply, the future of all mankind? A twisting inward of a species living in its own filth?

Where are we going?