Thursday, September 01, 2005

Bush Flies Over and Assesses the Situation

After his flight on Air Force One over the areas destroyed by Hurricane Katrina, President Bush met with Vice President Dick Cheney, Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld this afternoon in order to assess the root of evil that has caused the destruction in the gulf states of this great Christian Nation.

According to scientific research based on a very strong hunch, it has been declared that this hurricane originated off the coast of Guinea, with perhaps vectors of turbulence arising from Liberia and Sierra Leon.

Based on intelligence and a master plan to eradicate the region as a breeding ground for storms, the president has decided to declare war on Nigeria.

"When we arrive in Nigeria, it will be better than shock and awe. We have, we got our people working on this.
The good citizens of Nigeria will be thankful we've arrived and we will stabilize the area, keeping the evil seeds of storms from arising off the coast of this great nation, freeing the people, freeing our people."

When pressed to explain why the president is using the military to invade Nigeria, an oil rich nation, instead of Guinea, Sierra Leon or even our offspring state of Liberia, the president responded, "They have seeds of destruction in Nigeria. They do. They have seeds of destruction there. And those seeds affect the clouds and those clouds build up, they do, and we are in danger. It's a war on these, on these, storm seeds. I feel it in my heart."

When asked for comment on the devastation caused by Katrina in the Gulf States, Condolezza Rice replied, "We would have moved heaven and earth if we knew Americans were in harm's way."

This interviewer asked Ms. Rice, "If you are actually able to move heaven and earth, why did you not at least move some busses into the poorer areas of New Orleans to take these American citizens to higher ground before the storm arrived?"

The Secretary of State's response, "Heaven and earth.
Heaven and earth."

When asked for his opinion on intelligence reports from Africa, Donald Rumsfeld could only reply, "Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know. This leads to seeds that we know are known, unknown but not the seeds that we don’t know we don’t know.”

On the subject of certain military invasion, Dick Cheney added, “We will, in fact, be greeted as liberators.”

The United Nations recommends that all Nigerians evacuate the country.
Busses supplied by Germany will take refugees to France.


HelenBach said...

How come this little ditty isn't in the LA Times?

Rebecca Waring said...

And according to an AP article on Yahoo, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said,

"As long as there is someone on roof waving flag were gong to be sending a helicopter out there to get them"

Tuff Gong on roof.

Todd HellsKitchen said...

(As per Helenbach).... Or the New Yorker!


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