Okay, it's half my fault. Adam (who I could call my Recognized-by-the-State-of-California-Spouse, now, if we were to get married, but who remains my Domestic Partner) and I went to see M. Night Shamalamadingdong's The Happening.
We just wanted to see a big ol' movie.
It was simply terrible.
I am about to divulge everything. So, if you plan to see the movie and do not want the surprise destroyed, then click away from here.
Okay, so people kill themselves. First, they kind of freeze. Then, they find the most expedient way to die. Guns, a large lawnmower, jumping off high buildings, more guns. Turns out, the plants are doing it. Apparently, (and all the knowledge in this movie comes at you from news reporters on television screens), plants, in distress, will send out signals to other plants and together they will release toxins to kill invaders once they feel threatened enough.
The trees and grass of the Northeast can't take people another minute, what with the destruction of their habitat (though, someone should have told M. Night that the Northeast is actually healthier, forest-wise, than the rest of the lower forty-eight, especially New England).
So, the survivalist plants emit a toxin that makes people kill themselves.
The lead actors, poor things, had to say such ridiculous lines in such ridiculous places for such ridiculous reasons, you just have to wonder what was the exact day during the filming that they threw up their hands and said, "Fuck it, I made a mistake signing up for this crap. Let's just finish up, collect the fee, and get the hell out of here."
Betty Buckley as the crazed shut-in who kills herself by banging her head into her own wall and windows was quite a sight.
I haven't been to a movie at a movie theatre in months. It was enjoyable to be in a great theatre, looking at the wooded scenery of Pennsylvania, watching Mark Wahlberg be all middle class and dull. I actually enjoyed it in a perverse way.
But truly--
You have to wonder why the studio let this director have a dime to make anything at all.
Why didn't they read that script and simply say, "There is no way on earth."
1 comment:
Hysterical!!!- I actually want to go to see this movie now, just to laugh out loud epically at a Tony winner like Betty bagging her head! But I will wait until its on television.
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