And the Pig Goes Oink

I was so impressed with my friend Todd who dropped thirty pounds, I decided I'd emulate, if not his exact regimen, then at least his verve.

And though I've lost but a couple pounds this week, more than anything, during my decision to eat less, I have come up with some very clear insights:

1) I eat like a pig.
2) Everyone I live with eats like a pig.
3) There is no need to eat like a pig.
4) Unlike a pig, I do not live in a sty, so there's hope.
5) I am loaded with muscle underneath this swinish layer of fat, so one could kindly say that I'm not so much a pig as I am a pig in a blanket.

With that being said, I have decided to stop my oinkish behavior and eat less food. Actually, less flour and sugar. In fact, almost no flour and sugar.

This is weird behavior for a pig such as myself who usually starts at one end of the loaf at Noon and reaches the other end by ten after.

I have noticed this: The layers of fat in the face and upper abdomen go first. The saying is true...you tend to lose weight from top to bottom. But more interestingly, I find the idea of losing weight as something of an archeological dig. It's like you are being dug out from all the meals you have overeaten.

When I was young and skinny and I had to listen to fat people of all ages morosely complain about their saddlebag thighs, thundering asses, or penis-hiding beer bellies, I always thought these people were just sad, weak hogs who just needed to put down the fork and get their fat asses moving. Now I know I was absolutely right.